The last 24 hours have been very hard. I discovered that my
heart warrior did not pass her reading EOG again. Last year’s results showed
she should have never been in the 3rd grade to begin with. I knew
this and my cries fell on deaf ears. I decided to let Madelynn repeat the 3rd
grade for multiple reasons. She struggled but was still successful. Her teacher
knew with her disabilities she would not be able to complete the EOG but by law,
I had to make her take it. Her teacher was working on her portfolio to be able
to show proof she could move on.
I knew before the test she had proven her worth, she would
be eligible to move on no matter the test result. Thinking that it would relieve
some of her stress, I told her that the night before the test. Do your very
best even if it is not enough for the test she earned her right to move on to
the fourth grade. When she brought me the test results and I told her the
result she was the most deflated I had ever seen her. It took every ounce of my
being to keep it together and not just scream and cry right there.
Why is my child not able to do this? Why is my child not
worthy of a passing grade? What could I have done to get her equal to her peers?
The answer is nothing. I could do nothing more.
My child was born with a broken heart that required open-heart
surgery. They stopped her heart; she was clinically dead, repaired it and then
hoped her heart was start again. Without this surgery she would have died.
Because of this surgery, she has other problems that her brain does not fire
like everybody else’s. I was given a gift. I have had 10 years so far of this
gift and I hope this gift continues for many years to come. However, days like
today make me feel like my child is not worthy and will never be good enough.
It makes me want to scream.
So instead, I will love her with every ounce of my being. I
will teach her to live life with no regrets. I will remind her that she always
is enough.
I love you to the moon and back to infinity and beyond
Madelynn!
As I remove myself from my soapbox just know that this
summer and every day after today defines who she is not some state mandated
test.
TTFN~
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