Goodbye May......I need a nap.

The month of May has been quite exhausting......cheerleading competition, trip to Newport News, Camp LuCK, and this past weekend Phil's parents came to visit. For many reasons I am looking forward to going to work Tuesday. Mostly, I think, is just to get back to normal everyday life. We did have a nice visit with his parents and I was......the best way I can tell is.... very proud of Phil. I can't go into great detail about it, but he reminded me this weekend why I agreed to marry back in 97.

Due to the fact it was to rain most of the weekend, I mowed the grass Friday and I was so glad I did. Between the rain and the hose being left on overnight the back yard needed an ark.....badly. We found a sitter for the kids, Thanks Heather, and went to dinner, Saturday. I have to say that is the most I have ever laughed with Phil and his parents. It was a great dinner. The kids, Phil and his parents went to the bookstore Sunday and had a ball. They came home with their new books and spent the afternoon reading them.

I did promise the kids I would take them to the park or schoolyard to play so before today was a total washout....literally....I took them up to the school to play on the playground. Did I mention Madelynn likes to swing, Kaitlynn likes the monkey bars, Jack just runs back and forth between the slides and swings. Suddenly we heard big rolls of thunder and decided it was best to go home. It rained small children, cats and dogs, you name it it fell out of the sky today. I was really glad we went this morning.

Before we left the schoolyard to avoid the rain I did get some pictures.

If nothing else I hope everyone was able to just enjoy their families this weekend. To those service men and women that could not be with their families this weekend......from our family to your we THANK YOU very much.

TTFN~

New World Record

I am sure it isn't really but I could have sworn I set the record for the longest projectile of a liquid this evening. We are about to have some house guests and we were in need of our monthly grocery shopping. Except for bread, eggs and milk I try to only go to the grocery store once a month.

My theory is if we run out we didn't need it or it can wait till the next shopping trip. It is an exhausting trip to BJ's stocking up and then trying to manipulate the pantry to make it all fit. I was moving things around and a very large jar of spaghetti sauce committed food-cide from the top shelf. It hit the floor like a bullet and about scared the pee out of me.

Standing on a stool the plastic jar didn't break but it hit the ground with such force it shattered the lid right off. This wasn't just any jar it was a GINORMOUS jar from the bulk food store. It was all over the floor, walls, doors, appliances, half way across the room in the kitchen sink and easily 25 feet away on the wall. Talk about some powerful sauce. I was SO MAD!!!

I had not eaten much today and was hungry, had not seen the kids all day and wanted to hang out with them, and still had half my groceries to put away after I cleaned up the sauce. I felt like I was on one of those science shows testing projectile objects. The best part was when Phil walked in the door and I told him what happened.

He looked at me and said, ''How did you manage to make such a mess in the kitchen and not get one drop on you?"

There was no answer it was just one of those strange phenomenon, I guess.

So what did I learn today?

I know how to launch a full jar of spaghetti sauce at least 25 feet.....wanna see???

Happy Middle of the week!

TTFN~

1st Annual Camp LuCK 2010

Shown below are just a few of my personal photos from Camp LuCK. It is not a typo it is to represent Levin Cardiac Kids (LCK). We had the glorious pleasure of taking all of our children to Camp Cherokee in Kings Mountain for the weekend for the first ever Camp LuCK for heart kids, siblings and parents.

The whole experience was Great!! We stayed in a cabin and the kids depending on their age were able to do all the regular camp experience fun. We made new friends and bonded with existing friends. It is a weekend I will treasure forever. We did crafts, stories, hiking, songs and tons of good food.

There are a few people that deserve a huge THANK YOU Jay "Bird" Thompson, Kim Jackson and Dr. Rene Herlong for undertaking this wonderful family time. There were "retired" camp counselors that came back just for this event. Some of them travelled as many as seven hours one way just to make sure we had a great time and they did not disappoint. Our children may have special hearts. However, those that made this weekend special have HUGE hearts.

Probably the best story of the weekend was the first five minutes we arrived. From turning off the highway into the campground it was a drive that took you deep inside. As we parked and started to walk to the mess hall and common area Kaitlynn started crying, really crying. I asked her what was wrong. "Mommy I don't want to sleep in the trees with the animals I want to go home."

It took a lot of reassuring in between the giggling and the tour of our cabin to prove to her that we were sleeping indoors and she would be safe. Once she acclimated herself to the campground she was bringing me frogs, looking for crickets and spiders all with her cow flashlight that moos every time you turn it on.

What a wonderful family time we had. Some moments were a little stressful as the kids are still pretty young. But we had fun and will be in line to sign up next year.

Enjoy the photos.

TTFN~

A sister's bond can never be broken..............

Well this morning I woke up at our last day at Camp LuCK and have so many stories to share about it. However, I want to go through my pictures first before sharing our camping adventure.

With all that said, I have another story that must be shared. It is a memory I never want to forget. So not that long ago I was in the doctor's office with Kaitlynn and Madelynn. They were each there for very different reasons but ended with a similar result: The dreaded SHOT.

Something I have never done with my children is lie to them about anything to do with the doctor's office, most importantly I have never told them something wouldn't hurt when I knew darn well it would.

But Kaitlynn and Madelynn are two very different creatures. Madelynn knew when she saw the shot, it was for her and she started crying and saying, "No, Mommy!" I wanted to cry. She has been through so much and I just wish I could take some of her pain away. Instead, I just have to watch it happen because it is in her best interest to keep her healthy.

They had to confirm Kaitlynn's weight to do her shot so they left and came back with Kaitlynn's about 10 minutes after Madelynn got hers. When the nurse walked in Madelynn recognized what it was, looked at the nurse and said, "NO, NO, NO!" I quickly assured Madelynn and told her the shot was not for her. I asked her to sit in a chair and wait while Kaitlynn received her shot.

When it comes to shots Kaitlynn is a screamer. It usually takes three people to hold Kaitlynn down to give her a shot and you can hear her through the entire office. Trying to calm her I promised her ice cream after dinner if she took her shot. It still took two of us to hold her down. Madelynn had felt the shots before but never seen anybody else get them before. She never flinched from that chair (I didn't know she could sit so still) and I have never seen her eyes so big before.

All I could think of was, "Great now that she has seen Kaitlynn scream as if she were in a horror flick she will never take another shot again."

But I was wrong.

As Kaitlynn got down from the exam table and I helped her put her pants back on Madelynn very quietly removed herself from the chair she was sitting and walked up to Kaitlynn and said, "Here Katie, Here Katie."

When I looked down Madelynn was giving Kaitlynn her hand, she wanted to hold her hand and walk her out of the doctor's office. So as we walked down the hall to the treasure box of toys they held hands and helped each other pick out a toy from the treasure box and then walked hand and hand to the elevator.

It is one of those moments I won't have captured in a photo but I will never forget.

TTFN~

"I'd like to report a break-in"

This is how I started my day yesterday. After Kaitlynn and I dropped Jackson and Madelynn off to the neighbor we went to the car. I used the clicker to open the car and it was already open. I was a little alarmed. I looked in the van to find stuff scattered all over the place. Someone had broken into the van.

I called 911 to report it and then just stood there dumbfounded. My van was at the end of the driveway under the streetlight. My driveway sits right next to the neighbors driveway and he drives his patrol car home everyday. Yes, I live next to a sheriff deputy who drives his patrol car home every night. Talk about no fear.

I looked around, all the DVDs and most of the Cd's that were in the van were gone. My old cell phone was in the car along with my car charger, gone. The rest of our life in the van just flipped upside down. So I filed the police report and Kaitlynn was terrified. She wouldn't let go of my leg, she asked me if they were going to come back and if they could get in our house. I had to give her hard answers. I had to tell her I didn't know if they would come back and as long as we locked our house they could not get in. I was angry that I had to tell my 6 year old that.

After dropping her off at school I was thinking about the whole thing we were very lucky. There was no sign of forced entry so I could have left the van unlocked, so not like me. There was no damage to the van that I would have to pay for. There were a lot of things they did not take. The garage door opener to come back later and rob the house, my prescription sunglasses that are expensive to replace. There were a lot of compartments they did not know were there that were never opened. There were some expensive things in the back of the van they did not get. So over all we were very lucky.

Thinking about it later, there was no item that could not be replaced or that I will die without. What they did take was my daughter's security. That I will have to work on. But maybe it will be to my advantage to remind her, there are bad people in the world and listening to Mommy and Daddy will help keep you safe.

More importantly I learned a few things I felt I should share:

-If your car is broken into the damage to the car gets claimed on your car insurance, and personal items stolen are to be claimed on your home owner's or renter's insurance (renter's make sure you have insurance).

-If your cell phone and charger are stolen make sure you report it to your carrier but did you know that your charger has a serial number on it? I didn't.

-Every once in a while my kids play with my keys, get in the habit of using your clicker to lock your car one last time before you go to bed. No excuses the clicker works from inside your house.

-If you have a Nextel did you know that both your phone and sim card have separate serial #'s on them.

After talking it over with Phil there were a few movies that were just the cases and not the movies so the thieves got just the empty cases. The Cd's they stole were mostly burned Cd's or empty cases. They left my Christian Cd's and the burned Cd's they did steal were mostly Christian music on them.

The part about the break in that made me smile the most was when my four year old son said, "Ya know what Mommy I hope the bad people that stole our stuff like it as much as we did."

I can't take it heaven with me anyway so they can just keep.

TTFN~

My camera............

................I love my camera............I will never have even a smidgen of the talent that my father does................But I love taking pictures nonetheless.

However, for the past week things have been different. As Kaitlynn completed her first year of kindergarten there was the end of year performance. I was so excited about it. But the more I talked to Kaitlynn about it she kept telling me she doesn't get to get up and talk. I didn't understand it at first.

The four kindergarten classes total about 80 students and only twenty had speaking parts, five from each class. Kaitlynn always wants to do well and thought because she did not have a speaking part she did not do well. We assured her we wanted to hear her sing even if she didn't have a speaking part. As we walked into the gym, I realized I left my camera at home. We only live a half a mile from the school. But I did not want to go back and get it.

I wanted to watch the performance with my own eyes instead of through the camera lens.

It was wonderful. We stood in the back and waved to her and blew her kisses. She sang really loud and we could hear her from the back. She loves to sing. Although it is a memory I will never have a picture of I will remember standing in the back of the room, watching her face light up when she found us and blowing her lots of kisses.

Even though I was really mad at myself I had too many other things to do to worry about it for very long. I had to finish laundry and get us packed to leave for Newport News, VA. Phil's nephew Bayley was graduating from college. We have a special place for Bayley as he spent part of a summer with us one year.

It was somewhere between 5 - 6 hours to get there. Two hours into the trip there I realized I forgot my camera. I was really mad then. Twice in three days what was wrong with me. This is where the moping thing would come in. I could have let it ruin the trip and just be mad about it or spend money on a disposable of some kind. I did none of those.

Two hours after we arrived we were sitting in the hotel and I asked Phil what were we going to do. He said he was waiting for Jackie. All of the sudden I said, "No we aren't, we are going to pack up the kids and find a beach."

Phil looked at me as if I had two heads. I reminded him his sister was busy we would see her later lets take the kids to the beach. I found a free map. He asked how do you know where the beach is. I simply told him I don't lets go find one.

As we pulled into the beach parking I was regretting not having my camera, once again.

I didn't regret it for long.

When my feet hit the sand it was if timed stopped. I could tell you that the vibrant orange-blacked-eyed susan's were breath-taking as they lined flower beds between the sidewalk and the sand. I watched the waves crash up against the pier and rocks. I remember the feeling of the air through my hair as I buried my feet in the sand. I watched Kaitlynn, Jackson and Madelynn try and jump the waves and make instant friends with other kids in the water. I watched Madelynn run through the sand with pure joy beaming from her face.

This pure bliss only lasted about 90 minutes and I don't have a single picture of it. But I saw it with my own two eyes instead of through my camera lens. My kids will remember walking the pier with Mommy instead of having to stand there while she gets one picture of everyone smiling. They will also remember just being able to play instead of having to look at Mommy so she could get just one more picture.

Don't get me wrong I love my camera and taking pictures and I am sure there are many that take much better pictures than I. But for a brief few days I was just able to enjoy life and watch my children sing, play in the ocean, laugh, walk on the beach and just have fun without a care in the world.

Wishing the trip could have been longer, we had fun anyway and many treasured memories buried away forever.

TTFN~

Miracles and Magic

"This is not general surgery in miniature. These are tiny humans. These are children. They believe in magic. They play pretend. There is fairy dust in their IV bags. They Hope. And they cross their fingers. And they make wishes. And that makes them more resilient than adults. They recover faster. Survive worse. They Believe. With miracles and magic anything is possible."

I wish I would have come across this quote as we were making the worst part of out journey with Madelynn. I love it and it rings true with all children. Today I met with Madelynn's nutritionist with some mixed news that I am feeling very down about. Then I think about the above quote and remember I have to hope, pray and work harder for her. Moping around helps no one, especially Madelynn.

So here is the news. Madelynn grew an inch in 2 months, which is huge. However, over the last five days she has lost almost a whole pound. To most that is no big deal. I took her to the doctor last Thursday due to a cold. She weighed 22.045 lbs. Today with the nutritionist she weighed 21.05. I knew it was coming. I told Phil she was losing weight. But here are the bright sides to all of this.

-If she wasn't getting enough protein in her diet she would not grow in height and she did by a huge amount.

-She has not been feeling well and not eating very well for the past 3 - 4 days. If I can't get the calories in her she can't gain any weight.

-However this morning I was not going to be defeated and through games, giggles and gimmicks I was able to get her to eat scrambled eggs with cheese and milk added, fruit and some juice, and she ate it all. It took about 30 minutes, but she ate it.

-The nutritionist also said that she is still playing and appears to have lots of energy. If she were lethargic or just not wanting to play she would worry.

So the plan is to get her lots of calories and let her snack often. I will take Madelynn to the doctor in about 10 days and see what her progress is. If we see a positive change we keep moving. If there is little or no change we see the doctor and see what he says.

Seeing Madelynn smile is what gives me Hope. Watching her try and fend for herself and do things for herself actually gives me Peace. I know she will make it and have a great story to tell. However, because I have been harden by some of life's realities and having days like today: When I feel like I am failing her and I should have tried harder, I need to remember....... she won't remember.

She will only remember how much her mommy loves her. She will remember all of the laughter and early childhood happiness. She will remember the feeling of the second Daddy walks in the door. She will remember hugging and kissing her brother and sister. She is my miracle and everyday our lives are filled with magic because of her.

TTFN~

Pondering

"You know you were made for more"

Made for more........what does that really mean........

Just about the time I think I know exactly what I am supposed to be doing in life I get thrown a zinger. Having Katie was planned, having Jack so close together was the zinger. Two years later, as I think I can handle the two of them, the bigger zinger, Madelynn was coming. I remember sitting in the hospital room a few hours after Madelynn was born watching her sleep.....thinking what am I going to do now.

When I asked God about it I did not get an answer so I assumed nothing just get her home and

start living. So as I was doing that I was thrown the biggest zinger of them all. I had no idea that I could be made for more. I thought I would be better off just living life as an audience member than being someone who has a voice. For example, I like volunteering at the school book fair more than I would like to stand up and share my whole journey. Sometimes saying the words are worse than living the journey. The words make it real.

But the other day I heard the above phrase and I was in the middle of something and just stopped. My first thought was I have been though enough I don't want more. But the phrase wouldn't leave my mind and has been there for a few days. So now my new journey is to figure out what more is. I know God will never give me more than I can handle but again what is that more........and would I agree that I could handle it. He has never abandon us in everything we have been through but why me and why now.

As I ponder the next few weeks as to what this entails I will hope and pray for better direction. I need to fall back on what I know and what my strengths are and even what my weaknesses are. The one thing I know for sure is.....God will not take you through it without the tools to do it. So what are these tools I have in my walk so far that I can make a difference to someone else. Since this has been like an itch that just won't go away I thought I would share.

Still pondering...............

TTFN~

Competition

Kaitlynn had her second Cheer leading competition this past weekend. They placed sixth out of thirteen teams which is really good and it gave them an invitation to state tournaments in Greensboro. So Kaitlynn walked away with another trophy and ribbon and just loves it. Attached are some recent pictures.

Kaitlynn and Jessika

She is so happy I love to see her smile.

Being short has it's advantages, Kaitlynn and Jessika in the front row.

Happy Monday!!

TTFN~

Being a Mom............

Back in October, a friend and mother passed away. She was a good friend and I was missing her and felt compelled to write about Mother's then. As Mother's day was approaching I was having writer's block, but I really wanted to express a few things but they weren't coming.

But if it weren't for my mother I wouldn't be the person I am today. She loves me unconditionally, allowed me to make my own mistakes and instead of saying I told you so when I asked for help she would just help. She already knew I learned from my mistake and is just always there. There have been so many times when I would would sit and pray for answers and God would make the answers come from my mom.

Let me give you an example. We were really short on money and I knew it wasn't enough to get all the groceries we needed for the two weeks until we got paid again. I wanted to go to BJ's because I could get more for my money than going to the local grocery store and my mom has the BJ's membership.

So all the way to my mom's house and to the store I silently prayed asking God for an answer on how I would pay for the groceries we really needed. As we turned down the street to turn in the store parking lot my mother says, "Since you wouldn't give me any ideas for a birthday present for you I transferred some money into your account to use however you needed it."

I almost wrecked my car. But God answered my prayer using my mother.

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born, the woman existed but the mother, never"

The lessons we learned in life as mothers from our children can not be taught from a book. As a mother I have learned............
-Be patient: Sometimes it takes both the mother and the child to learn something.
-Love with your whole heart: You should never doing anything half way.
-Don't give up: Even on what you consider your worst day they will always give you a reason to smile.
-We never fail: We just learn lots of ways on how not to do something until we get it right.

Before I became a parent I graduated from college with honors, made the National Dean's List, inducted into the Phi Theta Kappa Honors Society and was in the top less than one percent of the college. These were huge accomplishments in just a few years. However, my greatest accomplishment in life is being Kaitlynn, Jackson, and Madelynn's Mom.

Prior to Madelynn's diagnosis and surgery I was working full time, all three kids were in day care, it wasn't where I thought I would be but I was happy, stressed but happy. Then I felt like my whole world had collapsed. All the balls I was balancing in life fell to the floor. All I could do was hold one, Madelynn's because I didn't want her to die. However, for a few months I struggled with this and felt like I was failing Kaitlynn and Jackson. I felt like everything I do for them will never be enough for all the days they had to be pushed aside for Madelynn.

But I was wrong, Kaitlynn is excelling in school and in cheer leading and I am very proud of her. To see her today to would think her life never skipped a beat. Don't let her fool you though she still loves her one on one Mommy time. Jackson is taking a little bit more work but he is coming along. I think he will settle down even more once he starts school in the Fall. But Madelynn is truly amazing to see her today you would never believe the journey she has been on.

Today at church I learned something....We were told this story......a girl and her grandmother were talking about her toys and the grandmother asked which toy is your favorite. The girl didn't want to tell her. When she finally did, it was a little old beat up doll. Surprised the grandmother asked why this one was her favorite. The little girl replied that this one needs the most help and love right now.

This is how we as mother's operate. We don't love one child more than the other ever. However, as we go through life, our children require different needs. I need to stop thinking that I failed any of my children and just remember that at that moment .... that is the child that needed me most.

Hoping all my friends that are mother's had a great day!

TTFN~

Where did the week go.........So glad it is over.

After my lovely adventure to the dentist Monday, Tuesday we took Jack to a Kindergarten meeting at the elementary school. He was able to tour the school and see some of the places that he has not seen when we pick up Katie. It just made him more excited to start school.

Wednesday was another matter though. Trying to get out the door and to work there was dew all over the van windows. Not letting the car warm up first I tried to clear the windows by making them go up and down. However, the drivers side window would not go down. When it finally did I was travelling at a decent rate of speed and it fell down inside the door. I almost peed in the seat. Luckily the glass did not break.

Mind you it was 38 degrees that morning and I had to drive the van to the dealership with window down to find out what was wrong. A few hours after being dropped off at work by the dealership shuttle I get a call.

"Well ma'am the motor and mechanism in the door are not damaged. The glass itself has little tabs on it and they have broken off. We have to replace the whole glass because you can't put new tabs on the old glass. I would not have the part for a day or two. Parts and labor it will be $538.00. "

I had the $538.00 but there has to be a better way. Phil said he knew someone that did auto glass and he would find his #. Phil calls me back and said the guy has the part and can come to the house this afternoon and replace it for $190.00. SOLD!!!!

Thursday I thought would be uneventful or at least I was hoping so. Little did I know how wrong I was. About 8pm, Thursday night Jack suffered a severe nose bleed. At 2am Friday morning he suffered another and at 6:30am he suffered a third. So I called the doctor at 8:15 and we went to see him.

The pediatrician does not believe it is from Jack picking it. He might have an enlarged septum. Which can cause all the nose bleeds. We won't really know till he goes to the ENT Doctor. We won't be able to see him Monday. However, Jack has suffered five or six nose bleeds in three days. We have been on the phone with the ENT on call and doing the things he has asked us to due to help till Monday.

Nothing really seems to be working though. I feel like all I am doing is putting band-aids on a geyser. There is a small chance he will need some type of minor surgery but again we will not more until Monday. Right now I am just following him around with wipes, towels, saline spray and I am only wear clothes I don't care if I can't get the blood out.

Last night I slept with Jack in his room because the night before he left a trail of blood from his room to mine trying to get to me for help. Now it is starting to scare him and how long they last. So keeping him calm is not easy. We only have one more day before we see the doctor. Hopefully, he will have more answers.

So here is hoping that next week will be calming and boring............

TTFN~