3rd Heart Birthday

Today is the 3rd Anniversary of Madelynn's Heart surgery that saved her life. When I think about this day there is a phrase that jumbles around in my head I will never forget.

"There is no medical reason that your daughter is alive today. She really is a miracle."

If I let it, that phrase would bring me to my knees every time. It reminds me that God has a perfect plan for Madelynn. Most certainly not my plan but God's. There is a handful of pictures taken about 10 days before Madelynn's surgery that when I see them, I would think that is the last time my life made sense. Really these pictures are the last time I controlled my life. I am reminded daily that God is in charge and I need to be obedient in what plan He has for my children and I.

Recently I came across this and it just made me stop.

"I can not give you half my heart and pray He makes you whole."

As a heart parent, there is always this underlying fear that if you love with every ounce of your being and it is not enough how do you recover from that and where do you go from here. After surgery, I was so afraid to love her with everything I had. I couldn't hold her, there were wires coming from every direction and that little girl that just beamed with smiles was gone. I used to tell Phil, I just want to see her smile. (It took 10 days to see that smile again.)

A few days after surgery I was so desperate to hold her I asked the nurse if it was safe. It took a little doing but they set me up in a rocking chair and in my arms she came. It reminded me of the day she was born. There is no feeling like it, simple, pure Joy! I watched her body relax because she recognized me and tears rolled down my face. We watched the sun go down out the hospital window, I sang her the bedtime lullaby I would sing at home and she fell asleep.

As I was driving home to see Kaitlynn and Jackson, I realized I had to trust that giving my all had to be enough. I needed to "recklessly" love her.

Over the past three years, we have reached Monster Highs; where you felt like you were flying and could barely catch your breath. Those dark, cold, Evil Lows filled with tears, anger, frustration days that will just suck the life right out of you. We are still here and the journey is far from over. We have learned to focus on finding today's Joy. When the dark times try to overtake the day, we refuse it and never stop fighting.

To see Madelynn today you would never believe her journey and you are fully aware we fought with everything we had. We have learned to never refuse an open door, move on from the door that refuses us and look for the window.

As we celebrate our third year at our second chance with Madelynn, we are Thankful for God's perfect plan of Dr. Alfred Kendrick, Dr. Christopher Baird, Dr. Nicholas Sliz, Dr. Alan Harsch and Dr. Douglas Chen. We know it was God's impeccable timing for each of them to be there when we needed them most.

For those family and friends who were there from the beginning and if needed we can call on again today....Thank You! We would have never been able to make this journey without you.



TTFN~

Halloween Fun

Last year we discovered the rec center we belong to throws a safe indoor Halloween party for the kids put on by the staff. I love going because it is indoors mostly little kids and the kids play games for candy. Complete fun for the kids and I am not freezing my butt off.

So before we went I took a quick picture of the kids.

The Butterfly Pixies and Superman

I just wanted to gobble them up.

Early this week my employer did a staff "field trip". I brought home a rather large pumpkin for the kids. We don't usually carve pumpkin's but since I had one to carve, why not! Before we left for the party I cut the pumpkin open and cleaned it out. We talked to the kids and they each decided one feature to the face for Phil to carve. After the party Phil finished it and placed it outside.

I must say it turned out pretty good.

Hope everyone has a SAFE and HAPPY Halloween!!

TTFN~

Not sure how I feel......

Lately I have been watching Kaitlynn in her school work and all the papers she brings home and I am surprised every week. The last two months I am more stunned than surprised. Every test but one Kaitlynn has brought home was 100% and two in one day two weeks ago. Some days just telling her how proud I am of her just doesn't seem like enough.

As parents we are always biased of our own children. I wasn't quite sure what to do and how to help her the most. So besides the normal help I give with homework, I just started praying for God to show me how to help her. I kept praying but I never felt like I was receiving any answers. I was worried I was missing something.

But I wasn't the only one watching out for her. Kaitlynn's teacher was keeping an eye on her too. Friday I received a letter asking for my permission for Kaitlynn to test into a Global Program. I had never heard of this before. Ultimately, they want to see if Kaitlynn tests into an early admittance for the AIG (Academically and Intellectually Gifted) program for both Math and Language Arts.

Sure....I have heard of it but not before High School. Granted Kaitlynn is my oldest child so some of this is very new to me. I could barely speak. I just handed the paper to Phil and asked if he was okay if I signed it.

His reponse was, "Are they serious?"

All I could say was I guess so.

So today at 9:30am she will be tested.

I talked to her over the weekend and again Monday night. I explained to her that she would be taking a series of tests. These tests were just to see how smart she was. No matter what the result Mommy and Daddy would not be upset and we only wanted her to try her very best.

She seemed a little nervous, took and deep breath and said, "OK".

So if you are reading this please pray that if this is the door God has opened for us; He help Kaitlynn shine at her very best. More importantly if this is the wrong door He guide us to the window.

Praying for Kaitlynn....

TTFN~

My Girls......

In recent weeks, it seems as if all I have done is lug the girls to Jack's soccer games. I must admit....I LOVE going to his soccer games. The girls on the other hand have had to just come along, watch and find something to do for the hour or more that we are there.

Kudos to them for trying REALLY hard to behave.

After Jack's game while we were waiting for the team meeting to be over, I took the girls to the playground at let them run, swing and just feel the wind through their hair. They were in heaven.

I love the dimples.



Messy hair and all I could just gobble her up.

But I also took these..........

I LOVE the freckles.



Those big brown eyes melt my heart every day



SISTERS



Although they are completely different people in so many ways, they will always be MY GIRLS.

TTFN~

Aw Shucks!!

Well I had to rework my schedule to make all of the last few days happen but, Thursday despite the on and off rain I was able to go on Jackson's field trip. It was really stressful to map out all of the logistics for all three kids but in the end I was really glad I went. Not to mention it was a great way to celebrate Fall.

Sometimes I feel like Jack always gets the shaft. I could go on about things I don't have a memory of for Jack but I do for the girls. I feel like I will always be making things up to Jack. Today I believe made up for some of it.

It looked to be a miserable rainy day. I prayed on the way to the farm that we have a great day together. Seconds after the prayer the sky opened up and fell. My first thought was .... Seriously!!! But, I just kept driving to the farm in hopes of a great visit.

When I arrived I started to see blue sky and sunshine. We were able to get most of the visit in and the rain came again. We took cover and had lunch. We took a nature trail walk. Right  at the end of the trail the rain came again. By that time we waited for it to stop again and the kids headed off to the bus and I drove home.

The one on one time with Jack was well worth all the stress of logistically making it happen. It is a day he will forever have in his memory and if I didn't go I would never be able to get back.

TTFN~

October has been very busy.............

October has been really crazy and we are barely half way through it. Jack is really enjoying soccer and doing quite well. His game last Saturday was against his best friend's team. He did really well with a goal and a couple of assists.

He can run.

Jack and Sam

After the game there was a fall festival in a community near our neighborhood. Old cars, games and fun for the kids, something for everyone.

I loved the blue color.

Phil checking out the old cars.

Daddy teaching Maddie how to check out an old car.

Get Ready!!

Away we go.

When things don't go quite as planned.

We walked the festival, did a little face painting it was time to go.

I am not sure who was more exhausted the kids or myself. Monday was a teacher work day so Katie and Jack were out of school. I promised we would paint pumpkins.

It makes me laugh when the tongue has to come out to get the job done just right.

She begged me for that little side ponytail.

His concentration kills me.

She loves to paint.

Those last few days have been busy and it just continues. I have a few more photos to post of Jack and I, maybe tomorrow.

TTFN~

10....12....16....14....

You are correct they are not in numeric order and no there is no reason to correct the order. Added together they equal 52.

Lately I have been asked the same question over and over and I have been giving the same answer over and over.

When are you going to cut your hair? Will you be donating it?

I will probably wait until April, which will be 3 years since my last cut, and MOST DEFINITELY I will be donating it.

Or should I say donated it AGAIN. It was just time.

BEFORE

AFTER

In the last 13 years I have only had 4 haircuts that resulted in donating 52 inches of hair and today was my last donation. For all my Family, Friends and Children of Friends who have had their bodies ravaged by cancer this was my silent fight. I couldn't fight your fight, take your pain away, make you miraculously healed or stop you from dying.

What I could do is grow my hair, take care of it to get the best possible result, cut it when the length was enough and start all over again. My hair helped someone feel normal again. I don't know who that was but I pray for that silent victim often.

The kids loved my hair cut, Phil won't lie he really dislikes my short hair but he appreciates the cause. Hope everyone has a GREAT WEEKEND!!!

Happy Birthday Aunt Joy!!!

Happy Birthday Aunt Joy!!!

We wanted you to know that we are thinking of you today and are sorry we aren't there to help you celebrate. Kaitlynn, Jackson and Madelynn drew pictures for you and we have mailed them to you but we thought we would share them with everyone.

This one is from Kaitlynn.

She wanted to make sure you knew all the words in yellow on the right were supposed to fit in the thought bubble. This is what she thought you would say about your presents.

This one is from Jackson

What you should know about this picture...... Jackson wanted to know your eye color before he started drawing. Whenever he draws a picture eye color is VERY important!! He was very excited you and he had blue eyes.

This one is from Madelynn

She was very proud of this picture and brought it to me with the biggest smile on her face. However, I must share the best part about this picture. The whole time she was drawing it I could hear her singing the WHOLE Happy Birthday song including inserting Aunt Joy when she got to that part. It was really cute!!

All that to say we truly hope you have a Fantabulous 18th Birthday and we will see you soon!!

Sending lots of Hugs.....

Phil, Chelsea, Kaitlynn, Jackson and Madelynn

TTFN~

Art with Daddy

Here lately it isn't that things aren't going on it is almost like too much is going on. I can barely keep up between work, soccer, swimming, Maddie (yes she gets a category all by herself) and keeping up with everyday things I just can't get it all done.

I did however get a chance to meet up with a friend and go to a Christmas Craft Fair. It was so much fun. I didn't have to worry about which child was running off in which direction. I had two uninterrupted hours of shopping and talking to vendors. It was GREAT!!

All to often when the two hours were over it was back to the grind, a quick run in the grocery store, stop home to put the cold stuff in the fridge and off to Jack's soccer game. They didn't win but 6-7 year old kids playing soccer always provides great entertainment. I must say it was FREEZING....the sun wasn't really out, the wind was blowing and it was only about 58 degrees. I was so glad to get home and warm up.

Probably the best part about my weekend was watching Phil and Katie complete her homework. As an assignment Katie was required to make a musical instrument. The back of the instructions from the teacher were some ideas to make an instrument. They were really clever ideas.

About a month ago, Phil cleaned off his truck with all the old copper pipe and fittings to be turned in to the scrap yard for cash. At the time were a little strapped for money so I knew if we helped him it would help us all. When you added it all up we spent about 24 hours breaking down the copper so we would get the most for our money. The kids were helping sort and clean it was kind of fun with all of us chipping in.

When Phil came back from the scrap yard we were straightening up the garage from our work stations we set up and realized we left a length of copper pipe in the corner. Phil was a little disappointed we had missed it. Off the cuff I just said, "There was a reason it was missed. Just leave it there and we'll find a reason. If not we'll take it the next time."

Little did I know the length of pipe would be broken up into a homemade xylophone. With an extra set of chopsticks we had, Katie is so excited to go to school tomorrow. Bonus points for Daddy!!

Art with Daddy

TTFN~