7 years old today......

Jack,

By the time you were born, I had been awake for more than 24 hours. I had gained more than 40 lbs carrying you. I walked around 5 centimeters dilated for two weeks and you still wouldn't come out. It was in the dead of summer I couldn't sleep, I couldn't sit, I was just plain miserable. Finally, a week before the due date I begged the doctor to get you out. She had an idea and told me she would be surprised if we weren't heading to the hospital in the next few hours.

She said, "No doctor in their right mind would turn a 39 week pregnant, 5 centimeter dilated mother to be away. They will induce you the rest of the way and he might be here by this evening."

Boy was she wrong. He did not want to come out. The doctor in the hospital said the baby will be around 7 - 7.5 lbs this will be no problem. Finally at 8:29 am, the morning after I went in out popped a 9.5lb healthy baby boy.

My whole body felt like I deflated a balloon. As soon as they laid him on my belly I felt my insides collapsed. My first thought was 7 lbs? She's dreaming. The doctor comes over and says, "I am so sorry, I had no idea he would be that big." Tell me something I don't know.

New born baby clothes didn't fit, you cried all the time until I finally realized you are still hungry. You were drinking 8oz bottles at 5 months of age. One of my first thoughts was I am going to go broke feeding you......what happens when you are a teenager. I might have to take a loan out just to feed you.

Well some things never change.....at 8:29 this morning you are officially 7 years old. I still can not keep you fed, you are just as stubborn as the day we tried to make you come out.

But I love everything about you......your gentle heart, peaceful soul. I love the fact that you tell me everyday that you love me and I don't have to say it first. I love the fact that you still want to hold my hand. I love the fact that you randomly give me hugs.

I could go on and on about all the things I love about you. Most of all I love the fact that God trusted  me enough to gift me with a very intelligent, inquisitive and special little boy. I know you won't be little forever but you will always be mine.

I hope you have a Wonderful 7th Birthday!!

I love you to the Moon and Back, to Infinity and Beyond, Forever and Ever Always, Mom.

TTFN~

500

According to Blogger this is my 500th post. It certainly doesn't seem like it. So I went back to see at the time this blog began where were we.

For starters, because we were a family with extended family and friends all over the country and our family was growing again, it was a way we could share our life with them. In November of 2007, we discovered were going to have another baby and we wanted to share all the upcoming events with as much family as we could.

This is what I remember.....

Katie riding Grandpa Bacho's bicycle.

Jack giving it a try too.



She looks sooooo little (this is exactly how old Maddie is today).

One of my favorite pictures.

At the time these pictures were taken I was VERY Happy. I had a boy and a girl my life was complete. It was exactly what I wanted and I was thoroughly enjoying being their Mom. It was not confirmed by the doctor yet so we waited until then before we shared the news that would ultimately change our life FOREVER.

I am not going to lie I was not prepared for what life was going to bring us. I was not prepared for the anger and mourning I felt watching my Wonderful Life fall apart. However, based on the pictures below I only see pure Joy and have realized life will never be what I planned on. Since picking up all the shattered pieces and trying to put the puzzle of life back together, I have a different view.



I Love that smile.

The freedom to be a kid.

She must have rode the water slide 20 times or more.



She loves the water.

They girls couldn't get enough of the water slides.

As I reflect on the last four years there is one thing that comes to mind. "It is what it is" I hate that phrase. But discovered I loathe it so much because it reminds me daily I am not in control of my life and the challenges that will come our way. Instead of worrying about what I can't control, I will enjoy the precious gifts in front of me.

Happy 500.....

TTFN~



100,000

Back in September 2011, I posted about the 88,888 miles we had travelled in our van. We bought it new. We put every single mile on that van. In September 2005, some time in the afternoon that 2006 Van was rolled off the delivery truck. They hadn't even pulled all the delivery stickers and tape off of it yet and we signed papers to drive it home.

 I am not going to lie I felt like I was driving a tank. Earlier last month we reached the 100,000 mile mark. I was so caught up in the everyday events of our life to even notice. Phil finally had some time at home, so he did a little tune up on her before we left for Family Weekend to Mason and noticed the numbers had turned. To be honest, I liked the fact I didn't notice.

If we aren't careful we can spend our whole lives worried about the numbers and what they mean. Until Madelynn had her surgery I always worried about the "numbers" and every little detail they represented. While Madelynn was recovering, the nurses were constantly telling me, "Don't look at the numbers look at your daughter."

That phrase rings so true in too many aspects in life. I know sometimes the little details are incredibly important but if I spent all my days on the little details I would miss the big picture. I want to share my big picture.....

Quick side note......sometimes I have difficulty and am technically challenged. I recently figured out how to link my phone to my laptop to transfer pictures. To most this is an easy task but I finally just spent the time two hours exactly and educated myself. Because of my recent education I can share the following......

This is Madelynn's Heart 10/12/2008.

In a recent visit to Madelynn's Pulmunologist, he showed me x-rays from the day the Urgent Care Doctor realized there was a problem (the one saved her life). Her heart was boot-shaped, deformed from lack of blood flow. The only reason this x-ray was taken was to rule out a different condition.

This is a picture of Madelynn's Heart last week (7/5/12)

The second x-ray is from the week before her appointment to the pulmunologist. You can clearly see how much she has grown but her heart has also re-shaped. This is that bigger picture that brings me so much JOY!!!

The side view from 7/5/12 that shows the reminder.

If you look closely at the this third x-ray along the breast bone you will see the metal wire wrapped around her when they broke it to repair her heart. We were told the bone would eventually infuse over the wire but I don't think it will ever disappear from a x-ray.

We have come so far in 100,000+ miles. We bought the van because our CRV just couldn't manage our two car seats and everything else you need for a 2 month and 21 month old children (Madelynn wasn't even a thought at the time). The van has seen beautiful beach filled coastlines and crazy bitter winter weather. It has heard hoards of crazy laughter and silently cruised as tears streamed down.

Hopefully, with Phil's mechanic background it will easily last another 100,000.

For those of you, wanting an update on Madelynn's Pulmuology appointment. We did not get any bad news but still nothing concrete. They did do a quick lung study that confirmed her lungs appeared to be functioning normally. There is a more detailed study they will do around her birthday next year. If she is cooperative they will be able to tell how much nerve damage there is from the collapsed lung and paralysis in her diaphragm she suffered days after her heart repair.

The doctor's best estimation is that the nerve damage will be minimal. The best explanation he gave was that she will be allowed to play sports but she would never be a marathon runner. We will know more next year. In the meantime, we will do our best to keep her healthy and enjoy all the every day moments with all of our children. Spending the days enjoying the bigger picture and worrying about the details as they occur and not let life control us with them.

TTFN~