During my 30 day hiatus from blogging it wasn't because I didn't have anything to post. Some days I just had too many thoughts drizzling around in my head I wasn't sure I could put it into words and it make sense. So here's hoping I don't sound like a blithering idiot.
I received an email at work telling me there was an opportunity for a little mini-retreat on company time. During Lent things are very different around the office, just very quiet. The Director of Adult Ed brought in this wonderful guest speaker to tell her story about a stunning journey of forgiveness.
Listening to her tell her heart-wrenching story about the kidnap and murder of her 7 year old story was very sobering. Her encounters with the man who did it and how she came to forgive him was very compelling. Everyone in the room was very touched by the journey as there was not a dry eye in the house.
However, I was more in awe as the mother spoke about her journey and how God carried her, loved her, taught her and strengthened her along the road. She showed an almost impossible blind obedient faith like I have never seen. She spoke about how she had no idea how when she said Yes to God she was going on the ride of her life.
That was it. This was exactly how I felt. I had no idea when we said yes to God about every decision for Madelynn that we would be on a ride some days; I would beg Him to let me get off. I am not sure why for so long we endured this ride. That is until recently I would pray that I have had enough I can take NO MORE. Over the last two weeks I have watched my children play, laugh, sometimes cry but mostly smile. I forgot about the fact that Madelynn was a heart child. Instead I just saw my youngest child who LOVES to smile.
I still hold my breath at every doctor visit praying the other shoe doesn't drop. Sometimes I let my mind get away from me and worry about, I could not handle walking this rode again. I will never measure up to this blind obedient faith this mother carries with her. But everyday I get up saying Yes to God. I just want to make it through today being a normal family of five (whatever that is). As each of these days pass, someday I will find peace no matter where Madelynn's journey takes us (secretly hoping it would be no where).
Honestly, I am not there yet and I still carry alot of rage about this whole experience. But if this woman can find peace with God after her daughter was kidnapped and brutally murdered. My daughter is still alive and sharing sunshine where ever she goes; I don't want to miss it.
I believe and hope that each day of sunshine Madelynn spreads will make whatever darkness we may encounter later just a little more peaceful.
Here's hoping you find a little sunshine no matter what form it is in. With the pictures I posted over the last few days how could you not find sunshine.
TTFN~
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