Over the last several months Jack has been playing with a little boy that is not a good influence. This little boy is teaching him to be aggressive and foul language. We will just call this little boy John (yes I changed his name). It has gotten so bad that John has been pulled out of the classroom some days more than he is in the classroom. To be honest I was quite relieved because Jack is much better behaved when not with John.
When Jack and John moved into the pre-kindergarten room together I was hoping a new room, new teachers, a fresh start and Jack would be better behaved. Something weird happened though. Everyday when I picked Jack up John would come running over and touch Jack. He would hold his hand and not want to let go. I used to think it was kind of creepy. It made me feel like this little boy had some type of hold on Jack. I asked Jack to make new friends.
I really wanted Jack to separate himself from John. His teachers even said they have no problem with him when he is separated from John. Somehow the two of them always manage to find each other and end up playing together. I talked to the director about it. She said she observed the two of them playing and they were interacting well, she was really impressed.
So I kind of left it alone but I truly did not like it because I didn't like the way it made Jack act. Jack would bring the aggressive behavior home against Katie and Maddie and it really bothered me.
That is until Friday............
One other side note is that over time I have figured out that John's family was having problems. Really bad problems, his situation at home was sad.
So Friday I go into Jack's classroom to pick him up. Jack did not want to go home because the class was watching a movie. I told him that we had to get home so we could have dinner with Daddy before he had to go to the doctor. Phil had his sleep test Friday night.
John was sitting in the classroom watching the movie too but separate from the rest of the class. He heard what I said to Jack and asked me, "What does Jack's Daddy do".
I told him the his daddy was coming home from work to have dinner with us. John pipes up and says, "I don't see my Daddy".
At that moment it hit me I was teaching my son the wrong thing....................
What I should have done is teach my son that it is okay to play with John but it is not okay to say bad words or be mean to other people. Instead I was teaching my son to abandon a little boy who's parents separated and John was not allowed to see his Daddy. The reason John was trying to hold Jack's hand was that he did not want Jack to leave. Jack is one of the constants in John's life that makes part of his horrible life normal.
At that very moment in the classroom I wanted to take John home with me and let him have fun with Jack. I wanted him to sit and one of our crazy family dinners and just see what it is like. Things may be chaotic at my house but my children know that their Daddy loves them and would rather be at any family dinner then not with them.
When I thought I was protecting Jack I was in fact making a little boys miserable life even more miserable. I should have been teaching Jack how to love him. Instead, I was teaching Jack the easy way out by ignoring John and also abandoning him. It made me cry because I feel like I failed my son. The funny part about the whole thing is that my son disobeyed me and still plays with John everyday.
There was one point a few weeks ago that I was hoping Jack and John would go to different kindergartens so that Jack could show his true potential and not be influenced by the negative things that John's family has taught him. There is now a part of me that thinks if the two of them ended up in the same school it wouldn't be so bad. I think in a way Jack would protect him and always be his friend.
We try so hard to do what is best for our children. Sometimes the best decisions come from listening to our children. Their innocent view of life makes all the complications just melt away and the right answer is staring you in the face.
I feel like such a horrible mother for not seeing it. I am just glad Jack showed me before it was too late and I made a rash decision. Now I just need to figure out how to teach Jack it is OK to play with John but not everything he does is OK. Hopefully over time Jack will figure it out too.
TTFN
No comments:
Post a Comment