praying for a rut

Most of us get into a rut and want desparately to get out. We get tired of getting up going to work coming home getting into a rut of the same thing day after day after day. Right now I would love to have a life like that. In the last thirty days our life has been so ridiculous I would love to shut the world out for just a day maybe two to re-energize.

We have given birth to a new baby girl. While I was in the hospital we made an appointment for Jack to see the ENT Dr three days after I was released from the hospital. Six days after that appt with the ENT Dr he had surgery having his tonsils removed. Two weeks after the surgery we were in the ER because Jack had a minor complication from the surgery. The scabs from his surgery fell off and he was bleeding and swallowing the blood. Well, his body treated the blood he was swallowing like a foreign object that did not belong and the natural reaction was to throw it up. In between all of this we had lots of Family in town. Phil's parents, sister and niece, my sister and her husband and three girls, and my brother. Not everyone stayed with us but it has been ridiculous. Not to mention I have been working from home some, Jack was home with me for 10 days......Oh Yea Madelynn has been with me too. Gratefully, she is sleeping a ton.

By Monday night I had just had enough could not sleep and had a melt down in Jack's room. He is having a side effect to the anesthesia and having nightmares. He is screaming in his sleep. It scares me awake and I go running in his room. Well I was working late, catching up paperwork and he started screaming in his sleep. You can't touch him when the episode starts it scares him awake and he screams and cries really loud. The only thing I can do is get as close to him as possible and talk to him. If I just talk really slow and soft in his ear he calms down and goes back to sleep. When the episode was over I could take no more and just cried in his room, I don't even know for how long.

Thankfully, the episodes are coming to an end. He is not having as many so it is wearing off. However, sitting in his room I remembered my first Mother's day. I had to take Katie to the ER. When you go to this particular ER you have to stand at this line until they tell you you can cross it waiting to be helped. There was this lady who came in before us. She was in obvious pain and sitting in a chair because she could not stand. When they saw me holding a baby, no one else mattered but Katie. They took her immeadiately. I was in my own world and never thought twice about her until we were leaving. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about this lady and hope that she is okay because she had to wait for us before she could be seen.

Well while we were waiting in the ER for Jack to to be seen. Same Hospital but they now have a Children's Wing with it's own ER. A lady comes in with her sick autistic son. He was frightened and could not communicate. I felt really bad. The mother just wanted to help her son but he was so frightened he was screaming. She was crying trying to help him. Needless to say they took him first even though he had come in last. I did not mind waiting a few extra minutes. It makes me feel kind of silly for having my own melt down in Jack's room. My life is nothing compared to what some other mothers have to do in a single day.

I just need to remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. I am very blessed to have three beautiful children. Eventually, I will be in that day to day rut of working and coming home and things will calm down. Hopefully, you are thankful for what you have.

One little funny side note to my pure exhaustion. I fed Maddie one morning about six and she went back to sleep. Usually, I stay up but I went back to bed for awhile. Laying in bed I was in and out of sleep and the baby monitor was on. All of the sudden, I hear a tapping on the baby monitor like someone checking a microphone and a young child yelling mama. I sat up in bed, collected my thoughts, "Katie and Jack are in school it is just me and Maddie at home and she can't talk I must have been dreaming." I lay back down now awake and out of the monitor I hear, "MAMA!!" I know Maddie can't talk but I jump out of bed and check on her anyway. She was out cold sleeping. It was feed back from another monitor in the neighborhood. It gave Phil a good laugh. I suppose I need to get more sleep. TTFN