The more they stay the same

Recently I have been sharing with you about how life has changed for us in the journey we have been on. I thought I had writer's block and was getting frustrated. Then I read about my sister discontinuing her blog which disappointed me. She inspires me and reminds me why we as mothers do certain things.

Then I started thinking is she right should I discontinue the blog.......

After a week or so of stewing I have come to a conclusion.......

I don't know yet what I am supposed to do with the journey I am on. How am I supposed to help others with the information I have learned. I did not walk this road for nothing. I need to do something. Life has changed so much for us I need to do something with it.

But what......

My conclusion, certain things in life stayed the same and needed to be shared. Blogging sometimes is a form of therapy for me and I am going to continue doing it. Whether anyone else reads it or not one day my children will.

So what stayed the same......my dad, my best friend and my husband.

As soon as my parents found out they wanted to be at the hospital. My poor mom needed to work out the day and joined us later. But my dad it was like he just magically appeared as soon as we completed that dreadful walk from the cardiology office to the hospital. I remember he asked questions at just the right moment (to help fill the silence and pass the time). I don't think I had ever seen him so calm and patient.

He waited until we finished talking to the doctors, would let us explain and then asked us questions in case I left something out. Even when Phil had to leave and go home to get me some clothes and personal items, my dad was still there.

I don't even remember when he left that first day but every time I turned around he was still always there. My hope one day is that I will have that same patience, calmness and the ability to contain my composure to help my children when they need it most. Even if it is nothing more that just being there in the silence.

Most people do not have the good fortune to have a best friend as a nurse either. After I contacted my employer to say I would be out of work for awhile, called my parents and broke down, I needed my best friend (of 25 years and counting). She has always been the one to bring me back to earth and create a plan of action to face everything head on.

As she traveled the world whenever I needed her she was there. I could call her anytime and we would talk like we just chatted yesterday. When I explained what was happening she wanted every detail. I didn't realize it at the time but, had it not been for those conversations I would have never been able to cope.

She helped me comprehend what was happening so I could understand it. Being a nurse and having a father with heart issues she knew what questions to ask. If I left something out she would ask me questions that put it all in the right order again. There are always questions that arise after the doctor or nurse leaves the room she helped me remember to ask them or she could already answer them.

I burned the battery in my phone twice that night. After my dad left and Phil had to go home to take care of Kaitlynn and Jackson and wait for his mother and sister to arrive, I was in the hospital alone watching the monitors tick away. I was reliving certain comments made that day that really struck a cord.

"She should not be alive"

"What a miracle"

"She would have died at home"

There were so many and suddenly so overwhelming I was starting to cry and lose it. Being alone with all of these scary emotions I felt my world spinning out of control. Then my cell phone rang. There she was, my best friend, without skipping a beat. Even 500 miles away she still saved the day.

Someday I pray Madelynn will be so lucky to have that one friend that no matter what battle scars she acquires; she will have that one friend that will be her Florence Nightingale, bind up her wounds and remind her to carry on no matter what. That one friend that will walk your journey with you no matter what.

After being at the hospital watching over Madelynn for days Phil sent me home. Kaitlynn and Jackson needed to see me. I needed to see them. Phil promised me Madelynn would be fine he would stay the night and I could sleep in my own bed with Kaitlynn and Jackson piled in. It was great, I didn't realize how much I missed them until I hugged them.

I know inside he was an emotional mess but he didn't show it. He was a rock. He held my hand and hugged me at just the right moments. He made sure I ate and wouldn't let me get lost in my thoughts too long. One of the nights he was there and I was home Madelynn quit breathing. They needed to resuscitate her and Phil witnessed the whole thing alone. When I found out I cried and apologized that he had to experience it alone. I can't imagining witnessing that alone. It takes my breath away, the true anchor of strength he is.

As my world was rocked forever, I was very lucky that God surrounded me with people that helped calm the rumbles. Looking back at what life was, and how it changed I was gifted with people that made my life make sense. These people are always their every day. They just knew it was time to step forward.

So for as much as life changed for us the more it stayed the same being surrounded by family and friends to help along the way. It still amazes me everyday how I am reminded of God's perfect timing.

Thank you again to my dad for always coming to my side when it mattered most and to my best friend for never letting miles come between us. As for Phil, you are a great Dad and your strength is heart stopping. Kaitlynn, Jackson and Madelynn are truly blessed to have you.

TTFN~