Never, Ever Stop Fighting......

It has been so long since I posted anything, when I went to long in I forgot my password. Crazy!! Well what's crazier yet is my life lately. In the last two weeks, my ac went in both of our cars. It has been in the high 80's and 90's with humidity. I probably left 10 lbs on the trip to work. At least God was kind enough to let it go out after the kids camps were over.

Phil also spent a chunk of change buying car parts for the van to assemble himself to save us money. Remember he is a "motorhead",  it is what he went to school for, not to mention I LOVE his mechanical mind. The day before he had planned to put all of these parts on the ac compressor in the van goes out. The same day the dryer stops heating. It runs cold air but the heating element went out.

The list goes on about all the things that happened in the last too weeks. Monday evening was my breaking point. I yelled, cried and finally went to bed emotionally exhausted. Every Tuesday morning at work there is a group of us that meet for a 15 minute break and just pray for whatever is on our hearts that day.

I broke down.....I just asked God to take it all away and just fix it because I could not and was at the mercy of anyone who could help. I was no longer in control and God showed me He HEARD me LOUD and CLEAR.

My good friend's husband found the dryer part for $25.00, when I was about to pay $100.00; and then wouldn't even let us pay for the part. Thank You Roger!! Phil and Roger worked endlessly on the van because the parts that needed replacing reared their ugly head and gave them a run for their money. The AC still needs to be fixed but when we get the money in another week or so it will be an easy repair. Everything else is finished.

The dryer part arrived Friday afternoon. Once the van was put back together, about 11:30 pm the dryer part was put on and a glorious heatwave was coming from my dryer and clothes were tumbling around and around. I have been doing laundry non stop for 24 hours. On top of our regular laundry, Jack had a few bed wetting mishaps, I had towels screaming to be cleaned and it was tax free weekend on school supplies including clothes. I had two loads of new clothes to was too.

But today was the icing on the cake. Today was the day my cup runneth over.

This morning we had soccer evaluations. I did not have all the money today because the school clothes and the car were more important. My children do not understand that concept. I went to the evaluations and talked to someone in charge. I told her I only had half the money. In her best smile the woman said, "We never turn anyone away just pay the balance before the end of the season." I almost fell on the floor. I just needed two weeks not 12 weeks.

While at the evaluations I sat and watched the kids stand in each line and give it their best effort. Jack and Katie because of their ages had to stand in a different line than Maddie. Yes, Maddie is going to play soccer. When I saw Maddie standing in a line without her siblings and I saw all the other parents standing with their child I walked over to her. I asked her if I could stand here with her. She told me, "No Mommy, I can do it myself. You can sit over there."

All the Parents standing around just looked at me with dropped jaws. I said, "Ok, I love you."

I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because she did it!!! She is living and thriving even though she almost died. We made it to the day where she feels just like everyone else even though she knows she's not. She has more specialist's than most of the kids in her school. But today she looked, breathed, laughed and ran just like all the other kids.

Well not quite........

When the evaluations were over, I looked and all three of their results before I turned them in. Maddie ran the fastest 10 yard and 20 yard sprints and scored the highest on the goal kicking. Katie scored the highest dribbling around the cones and Jack scored the highest on the free dribbling.

I truly had no words for this........

So all though we still have a ways to go to get things back to normal, we don't need normal it is SO overrated. We have EXTRAORDINARY!!! 

This is my PSA reminding all of you to never give up and never ever stop fighting.

TTFN~

Love ~ from my 9 year old.......

About once a month I really get on the kids about cleaning their rooms. Once they tell me they are clean I then go through them with my "Mama-sense" (my spidy sense, LOL!!). It is crazy the things I find everything from food, this mornings dirty pj's, last weeks stinky socks, my craft scissors, you name it I find it. I am rarely surprised at what I find but it doesn't mean I still don't shake my head.

Today I decided to do my monthly check. I was truly shocked at what I found. In the girls room there was tons of trash. Waded up paper, ripped pictures and pages, as I looked through the papers before I threw it in the trash I found a poem that Kaitlynn and written May 2013. Last year she received some blank journals for a gift from First Communion. Lately she has been sketching and writing in the journals and this is one of the pages she left on her bedroom floor.

She doesn't know I am posting it but I though it was sweet.

Love

 

Love is a heart

Love is something sweet

Love is something everyone has in their hearts and minds

Love is special

Love is a heart

Kaitlynn May Addler 2013

TTFN~

don't forget to laugh......

I have mentioned this before but, I have been working on my picture project that is far from done. I came across this picture.

 

I LOVE this picture!!

 

However, the amount of times the shutter clicked to get this one picture and the giggles, begging and fussing that came along for the ride was ridiculous. This picture was taken the last day of three weeks of day camp. Kaitlynn was in fine arts camp, Jackson sports camp and Madelynn was in mini camp (for mini people like her). Each week of the fine arts camp, Kaitlynn was able to make a tye-dye shirt. She was so thoughtful and made a shirt for each of them.

 

Thinking Jackson was stronger than Kaitlynn I originally tried something else. However he was having problems balancing Madelynn. All the sudden I hear, "Jack I'm falling", "Maddie I can't see", "Mommy Maddie just kicked me".

 

Which resulted in this:

 

 

 

Whenever I see the the good picture I will always remember what ensued to actually get it. It will always make me laugh.

 

 

Don't ever forget to laugh......

 

TTFN~



not an obligation.........

Love is a Gift NOT an obligation.

Today has been one of those days that this Mama was truly tested. My children are a gift. As an extention of that gift is the love I have for them. But today I could not take it. I have been battling a headache that took 12 hours to go away. Two of my children came home from school an absolute wreck.

Jack was so tired everything made him whine and cry. Even when I wasn't talking to him he would high-pitched squeal and cry. He had about 5 melt downs in about 4 hours. This mama was pushed to the edge today. Finally, we got enough food in him (seriously he come home everyday eats about 700 calories in snacks and still eats dinner less that two hours later, God help me when he is a teenager, he's only seven now), he cleaned his room, did some homework and I sent him to bed.

The Girls on the other hand REFUSED to clean their room, made an even bigger mess and nothing gets their attention. I have to be a mean mommy again. Before Christmas I threatened to take all the toys away. I did. I sorted the toys with sentimental value bagged up the rest and took them to Good Will. Just to walk in their room frustrates me to a point I want to cry. So tomorrow I will be collecting the new Christmas toys and throwing them in a bag.

I always tell them I love them even after we have disagreed about something, clothes, messy room, homework. Sometimes they even ask, "Mommy do you love me even though you are mad right now." The answer is always,"Yes, to infinity and beyond, to the moon and back, forever and ever, ALWAYS!"

As I head off to bed to end this EXHAUSTING day. I am thankful for my gifts but more greatful the sun has gone down and very soon today will be a memory. Here is to starting fresh in the morning and always treasuring a gift.

TTFN~

Her last year in single digits....

HAPPY 9th BIRTHDAY KAITLYNN!!!

 

 

To my Dearest Kaitlynn,

People say children are resilient and can handle anything. I disagree. I tend to think this is more of a hope during a crisis than a belief. But you my sweet girl are truly amazing. You have come out of too many of these and your star shines brighter than ever.

Although there are days you make me want to run outside and light my hair on fire, most days that fire just melts my heart. You are a brilliant and creative big sister with so much love to give. On my worst days you just know I need an extra hug. I could never tell you enough how truly proud of the person you are becoming. I hope you have a fabulous day.

I chose the above picture because I can just feel your joy of being at the beach without a care in the world, hearing you laugh and run through the sand. After our crazy turn of events this year this is the JOY I hope for you all the time.

Happy Birthday Punkin!!

Love you to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond, forever and ever.....
Mama

TTFN!

Over the last week....

During the last week I have been running, running, running.......and I am exhausted.

To start Madelynn finally started school. She was very nervous. To start 90% of her friends she has gone to this school with for the last two years are not in her class this you. She is one of the youngest children in the class. I believe she is also nervous because for the last two years she has had the same teachers and this year she has new teachers. Unfortunately, the day after she met her teachers the week before one of them left. So she started the school year off with a teacher she had never met.

Madelynn was very excited about the classroom and all the fun things to do. This year she has and art center, nature center with a fish tank, kitchen and family care area. She would have been happy to taking care of the babies all day. I was thrilled to see all the things that will challenge her this year. I believe that over the next few weeks she will get acclimated and do very well. Sadly, I discovered she needs help learning how to use scissors. Since she cut her own hair last year I assumed this was not an issue. However cutting hair and paper are two different things. guess we will have to practice.

 

 

 

 

Today was the first GAME Day of the season for Kaitlynn and Jackson. Let me just say when I left for the field this morning it was grey and foggy. However, I came home with face, arms and feet that resembled a roasted tomato. I have flip flop stripes across the tops of my feet, farmers stripe across my bicep and my face looks like I tried a new raspberry makeup.

Enough about me.....Kaitlynn and Jackson did great on the field today. Jackson's game was up first  and he wowed the crowd. The first play of the game he was passed the ball at mid-field without taking a step he used those powerful legs and scored. I and most of the parents watching were stunned. His team won 7-2 and Jackson scored 4 times. He did really well.

 

 

 

 

 

Right after Jackson's game we moved fields and settled in for Kaitlynn's game. Kaitlynn's team did not fair as well they lost 9-7. Kaitlynn scored twice and did very well acclimating to her teammates and being one of the smallest players on the team. Even though they lost many of the parents, from the other team, and the official walked over and complimented how well they played. I think it was a good learning experience for the team. Kaitlynn was not disappointed they lost because her coach pulled her aside and told her how great she did. If nothing else I hope this is a great confidence builder for her as the season goes on.

 

 

 

 

Over all it was a Good week and Great Soccer Day. But my favorite pictures of the week are.......

 

 

Welcome to Fall Soccer Season....

TTFN~

Farewell Summer 2012

The end of Summer is here. Like most parents, I am a little sad it is coming to a close. I have truly enjoyed my children this summer and everything it entailed.

It started out with one child mastering her bike, one child brave enough to just take off and ride, and one child finally having long enough legs to ride the big wheel (you would have thought she won the lottery), Vacation Bible School, Family Weekend and three weeks of Camp Gabe took us through the end of July.

Camp Gabe is where the kids really thrived this summer. Kaitlynn was enrolled in the Fine Arts Camp. She came home each week with some amazing art work. Not to mentioned she loved the freedom to just create. Jackson on the other hand spent three weeks in Sports Camp. My favorite part about Jackson in Sports Camp, someone finally wore him down. He LOVED it, but he was beyond exhausted.....best he slept all summer.

Madelynn was in three weeks of "Mini" Camp. Half her pre-school class was enrolled, she loved it. My favorite part about "Mini" Camp was the first day when Madelynn crawled out of bed she pulled her Minnie Mouse T-shirt out the drawer. She looked at me and said, "I have to wear my Minnie shirt for "Mini" Camp." Never a dull moment.

The rest of the summer was spent sitting under trees as the breeze blew by, sneaking off to Brewsters's for after dinner ice cream, magic tricks and wild animals at the library and swimming as much as possible. It also included lots of tests and doctor visits. All three had their annual physicals. except for Madelynn's weight the doctor was very please with all three. We also left the pediatric cardiologist with a great report. We have to wait until next year to find out more about Madelynn's nerve damage in her diaphragm but all is well for now.

I'm not going to lie I LOVE when school is in session. It is nice to know if I leave for work and the house is clean, when I come home it will still be clean. My children are routine people. If they know the plan they depend on it. Ask those who come to visit and the plan is disrupted.

This year marks big changes for Kaitlynn. She will earn real grades instead of satisfactory or unsatisfactory. She will participate in End of Grade (EOG) testing. If she does not pass this testing she does not pass the grade. Each student Must pass both the class and the EOG. I have not talked to her about this yet, it is on the agenda for the week.

Jackson will still be on the satisfactory/unsatisfatory program but his teacher will have a challange. Lucky for us she knows all the tricks, has been teching for 25 years, and been at the school since it opened in 1998. Jackson was very excited when he heard she would be his teacher. I hope this was an answered prayer.

Madelynn starts school this week. She was very sad when we drove Kaitlynn and Jackson to school and she could not go. She cannot wait for school to start.

Enjoy the photos from the first day of school through the first day of school.

So Long Summer...




TTFN~

100,000

Back in September 2011, I posted about the 88,888 miles we had travelled in our van. We bought it new. We put every single mile on that van. In September 2005, some time in the afternoon that 2006 Van was rolled off the delivery truck. They hadn't even pulled all the delivery stickers and tape off of it yet and we signed papers to drive it home.

 I am not going to lie I felt like I was driving a tank. Earlier last month we reached the 100,000 mile mark. I was so caught up in the everyday events of our life to even notice. Phil finally had some time at home, so he did a little tune up on her before we left for Family Weekend to Mason and noticed the numbers had turned. To be honest, I liked the fact I didn't notice.

If we aren't careful we can spend our whole lives worried about the numbers and what they mean. Until Madelynn had her surgery I always worried about the "numbers" and every little detail they represented. While Madelynn was recovering, the nurses were constantly telling me, "Don't look at the numbers look at your daughter."

That phrase rings so true in too many aspects in life. I know sometimes the little details are incredibly important but if I spent all my days on the little details I would miss the big picture. I want to share my big picture.....

Quick side note......sometimes I have difficulty and am technically challenged. I recently figured out how to link my phone to my laptop to transfer pictures. To most this is an easy task but I finally just spent the time two hours exactly and educated myself. Because of my recent education I can share the following......

This is Madelynn's Heart 10/12/2008.

In a recent visit to Madelynn's Pulmunologist, he showed me x-rays from the day the Urgent Care Doctor realized there was a problem (the one saved her life). Her heart was boot-shaped, deformed from lack of blood flow. The only reason this x-ray was taken was to rule out a different condition.

This is a picture of Madelynn's Heart last week (7/5/12)

The second x-ray is from the week before her appointment to the pulmunologist. You can clearly see how much she has grown but her heart has also re-shaped. This is that bigger picture that brings me so much JOY!!!

The side view from 7/5/12 that shows the reminder.

If you look closely at the this third x-ray along the breast bone you will see the metal wire wrapped around her when they broke it to repair her heart. We were told the bone would eventually infuse over the wire but I don't think it will ever disappear from a x-ray.

We have come so far in 100,000+ miles. We bought the van because our CRV just couldn't manage our two car seats and everything else you need for a 2 month and 21 month old children (Madelynn wasn't even a thought at the time). The van has seen beautiful beach filled coastlines and crazy bitter winter weather. It has heard hoards of crazy laughter and silently cruised as tears streamed down.

Hopefully, with Phil's mechanic background it will easily last another 100,000.

For those of you, wanting an update on Madelynn's Pulmuology appointment. We did not get any bad news but still nothing concrete. They did do a quick lung study that confirmed her lungs appeared to be functioning normally. There is a more detailed study they will do around her birthday next year. If she is cooperative they will be able to tell how much nerve damage there is from the collapsed lung and paralysis in her diaphragm she suffered days after her heart repair.

The doctor's best estimation is that the nerve damage will be minimal. The best explanation he gave was that she will be allowed to play sports but she would never be a marathon runner. We will know more next year. In the meantime, we will do our best to keep her healthy and enjoy all the every day moments with all of our children. Spending the days enjoying the bigger picture and worrying about the details as they occur and not let life control us with them.

TTFN~

Summer is officially here...

This year the tree in our front yard is finally large enough to do us a service.  It provides wonderful shade against the front of the house in the hot afternoon sun. Sunday morning after breakfast I found Phil sitting under the tree in a chair watching this.

Throughout Father's Day Weekend the kids begged us to play out front so they could ride their bikes. Katie was the only one who had mastered riding. This statistical fact will be short lived. Watching Jack concentrate and trying to get it so he could keep up with his sister was fun to watch.

The extreme concentration and the protruding tongue made me laugh.

He is trying to enjoy it. See the tongue?

He's getting better. Do you see it?

I am not going to lie his legs have a few learning abrasions. At one point he became a little too confident ran into Katie. They bumped front tires, went over their own handle bars and crash one on top of each other and the bikes. I didn't run to them right away as I was so stunned at what I just saw.

Katie was so mad and in such shock she started yelling at Jack. I had to remind her he was still learning, she was the better rider and she should avoid him. After a few minutes she settled down and wasn't quite so mad.

I must say I could have sat under that tree all day watching them. The TV wasn't on, the computer was being ignored, it wasn't raining we just immersed ourselves in it. It was wonderful. I know they need to read and work on their studies during the summer but I think this could have been extended recess day.

TTFN~

Endings and Beginnings....Part 3

The day after school was out for the summer Katie and Jack had their last soccer games of the Spring season. I had no idea what a difference it would make for them to play sports. Not to mention Katie did really well for her first season. Jack on the other hand just showed them what he has learned.

He has really developed strong legs.

He loves his orange shorts.

He looks so at home standing there.

She may be the smallest....

and one of the only girls on the team.....

but she gave the boys a run for their money.

I had no idea she would love it so much.

I think she found a home in playing soccer.

We actually register for fall soccer this week, have evaluations in July and the first practice in August.

Madelynn has also asked to play but she has to be cleared by the heart and lung doctors first. She has a series of tests with the pediatric pulmonologist in July and I still have to make the pediatric cardiologist appointment. If they say she can play, we will sign her up. Originally, Phil and I talked that when she started kindergarten we would sign her up. However, Phil decided if the doctor says yes, she will be on the roster this season.

TTFN~

Endings and Beginning.....Part 2

I am not sure who was more excited that school was ending, Maddie, Katie and Jack or myself.

Maddie has been out of school for two and a half weeks prior to Katie and Jack's last day. During her million question a day conversations, she would always ask how many days until Katie and Jack could stay home with her. Finally that day came.

Good-bye boots, sneakers

....and cleats

Hello flip flops, crocs, slides

.....and bare feet

We don't have many big plans for the summer except to spend as much time together as a family. Needless to say, this will make Maddie one Happy girl.

TTFN~

Camp LuCK 2012

We arrived as Doctors, Nurses, Lawyers, Architechs, Banking Executives, Accountants, Police Officers, Stay-at-Home Moms you name it, all walks of life were represented on the hallowed grounds of Camp Cherokee. Only this weekend it was Camp LuCK: 3rd Annual Family Camp Weekend.

Camp LuCK isn't for just any Family. To qualify, you must be a Congenital Heart Defect (CHD) Family. Rest assured NONE of our Families asked, insisted or wanted to be a CHD Family; we were CHOSEN. We have all wrestled with wanting to know , "Why us?? Why do we have to experience this journey?" In some cases with terrible uncertainty. Once I discovered, accepted, wrapped my head around "CHOSEN" and lived my life as a CHD Family, I realized it truly was a GIFT.

Not only as Parents do we become these AMAZING people, we are raising some of the most OUTSTANDING children.

Shortly after arrival "unzipping" is completed. We were no longer these professionals, we are just parents raising a "Heart Warrior" and their healthy siblings in a world that doesn't always comprehend the battle. Walls are shattered and crumbled, everyone has a similar story. Every family is marked with a scar. Only here at this camp we see the Glorious Gifts beyond the scars.

We observe our children laughing, playing, dancing, running, thriving and in that moment when nothing else matters and it will be a memory burned in our history.

This year, my goal was to truly enjoy and collect as many memories as one person could hold. I didn't even take my first picture until 18 hours after I arrived. We made memories my children will carry for a life time. We laughed more, strengthen friendships and down right wore ourselves slap out thriving on every moment.

If I had to guess with all the cameras brought to the camp grounds more than 5000 pictures were taken. Here are just a few of the photos (memories) I collected.........

Thank you again to Levine Cardiac Kids, Camp LuCK Staff and the Fabulous Volunteers  who helped emblazoned outstanding memories we will cherish forever.

TTFN~

Still going.....

Since starting to play sports Jackson has become a different person. Don't get me wrong there are still days I can't hug and kiss him enough and then those I just want to run outside and light my head on fire. But I would sit all day and watch him play soccer and basketball.

He absolutely loves it.

But he is not the only one bitten by the sports bug.....and she is just as competitive as her brother.

In case you are wondering, I haven't asked the cardiologist if Maddie would be cleared to play. I really don't think he would say, "No" but I just haven't asked. For now we have agreed she has to wait until she is five and the doctor says yes. She has settled for just being Kaitlynn's and Jackson's biggest cheerleader next to their mother.

I have a strange feeling I will be spending the rest of my life on the soccer field. More stories and pictures to come. We have been very busy and the fun will continue through May.

TTFN~

The games children play....

Over the past few weeks with all the nice weather the kids have spent HOURS outside. The trampoline is SOOOOO happy and feels so loved. I have been working on cleaning all the flowerbeds out. The flood gates of excitement have burst to see all the plants popping back from last year.

While I have been unearthing these treasures I hear the kids playing games, laughing, giggling and even a little fighting in there. Recently I hear the kids all yelling "NOT IT" trying to be the first one. I am not sure why or happens to the last person to say not it. I usually just hear it in passing.

So tonight while I was in the kitchen cooking dinner Katie was talking to Daddy about an in school assignment she did. Funny thing is my sister's daughter just brought home the same in school assignment. They were to write two letter's to two different people convincing them to do something. Kaitlynn wrote one letter to Jackson. It was really sweet. She explained to him that they would have more fun playing if they did not fight so much. I thought it was a SPECTACULAR letter. I LOVED it.

The second letter was to her daddy. She wanted to convince him she was old enough and responsible enough to own a bunny. I am not going to lie as Phil read it out loud I had to leave the room to keep from laughing. She completed the letter by signing it, "Your LOVEABLE Kaitlynn". She was so sure he would say yes. It was very sweet.

So as Phil and I were discussing the letter. Kaitlynn thought we were going to make a decision right then and there. She huddled with Jackson and Madelynn telling them on the count of three they would all say, "PLEEEEEEEASE!!" Hoping for that last HAIL MARY. Well I hear Kaitlynn whisper as only children can, "1....2....." before Kaitlynn could say three Madelynn yells at the top of her lungs, "NOT IT!!!!!!!"

I did not have the heart to tell her she missed the memo in the huddle and just laughed.

TTFN~

Resolutions......

Well I did take the time to email Kaitlynn's school counselor, principals and the early bird/after school director. The feed back was VERY Positive and I could see a change in Kaitlynn when she arrived home from school Monday afternoon. I truly hope they take great care in rebuilding Kaitlynn's feeling of safety in the school. I will wait a few more days and talk to her again just to make sure things are getting back to normal.

Today ranks right up there with my top 5 most stressful days EVER!!! We walked into the hospital and Madelynn PANICKED!! I had not truly talked to Madelynn about what would happen to her today because I didn't know what her very intelligent, three year old mind could comprehend. I calmed her down by feeding her a little applesauce. She didn't know it was laced with a little Valium. After we were escorted to the waiting room for the test she started to panic again. When she saw the toys she calmed again. All the ups and downs of the morning was emotionally exhausting.

I had NO IDEA how to explain to my 3 year old daughter they would insert a cath into her bladder, fill it with both dye and fluid to make her pee. She has only been potty trained for 8 months.

Then we walked into the test room and EVERYTHING I have taught Madelynn went out the window. I had to tell her it was okay to take her clothes off in front of strangers, it was okay to let strangers touch her in her private areas, it was okay to pee on a table and not in the potty and when she was SCREAMING telling me to make them stop; I just looked and her and told her I was sorry. The guilt of forcing your child into a difficult medical test sucks!!

I did also explain that it was a test and the doctors were doing their job. But I know it was NO consolation. I am not sure how affected she will be by this test only time will tell. I can only hope I was more affected that she was.

The Test came back NORMAL!!! This was very good news. The details of  of the results are this. Only this test came back normal. It doesn't mean she still doesn't have Vesicoureteral Reflux. This is her urine travelling back up to her kidney's instead of out her bladder. The doctor told us sometimes for children you can have normal results and still have this condition because it only becomes present when you have a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) with a high fever.

So our goal it to teach Madelynn some extra precautionary measures when she potty's, per her doctor. If we can keep her from getting a UTI maybe she will never have to have the test again. If she does have the condition she will just grow out of it and today's horrible experience will be history.. This is small change in routine compared to what we could have had.

We would like to thank everyone who reached out to us wishing us only the best results. It was nice to be surrounded by so much prayer and good thoughts.

TTFN~

Hoping for a better day....

Well I did my best to talk to Kaitlynn and prepare her for going back to school after yesterday. I almost cried when I dropped her off because I believe there was a part of her that did not want to go. However she never told me. One of the perks of my job is that no one will fault you for sneaking of to a quiet place to pray for a few minutes or 30. So today as they do every Friday during Lent, I walked over to the church to pray during Stations of the Cross. I am at a loss on how to help and protect my child.

I was hoping and praying today was a better day.

Before any of this happened I promised my friend I would help her for a few hours today. So I didn't get to find out about her day until about 5:30. I talked to Phil he assured me she was fine. But I wouldn't really know until I talked to her myself. Her day was better but only because she decided to skip breakfast to avoid any confrontation. I was so angry I could barely speak. So now this person has belittled my daughter and made her afraid to eat breakfast at school. I might add she has eaten breakfast at school almost everyday for the last three years.

At this point, it was obvious Kaitlynn needed me. So for the night I put my feelings aside let Kaitlynn have the things I promised her today. After dinner, we had a little family fun playing Dance Party 3 with the XBOX 360. This girl LOVES to dance; she was just full of smiles. Watching Phil and the kids dance through the house made her forget for a little while and hopefully remind her that the love of her family was way more important.

This weekend I will take the time and email all necessary parties at the school. I hope they will step in and stop it now before it gets out of control. In my mind it is already is out of control. My daughter changed her routine and skipped the most important meal of the day because some 5th grader thought she would have a little fun with her.

Praying for a quick resolution to this ridiculous problem that should never be.

TTFN~

How much can one mama take.....

So I haven't posted in about two weeks and it seems like a life time ago. As I lay in bed at almost 1am my mind is swirling. Two weeks ago today my friends mother died. To be there at the actual moment someone passes from this life is almost indescribable. What I can tell you is that I knew it was time. I told my friend to tell her mother it was okay to go. Within 5 minutes I could feel her mother's spirit and then she was gone, no heartbeat, no pulse just the lifeless body that carried her for 85 years. I was glad I could be there for my friend.

Less than a week later we were told there could possibly be something wrong with Madelynn's kidney's or urinary tract. It was all I could do to not buckle at the knees. After talking to other families, it could be something very simple, nothing at all or a problem. For the last week I have been convincing myself that it is nothing all. It is just Madelynn's doctor's being over protective. After what she has been through and the near miss with her heart, they aren't taking any chances. But I am not going to lie taking her back to the children's hospital for a test is a little unnerving.

So probably the icing on the cake. The reason I am up doing laundry and typing at 1am. Today I was informed Kaitlynn was bullied at school. She was being laughed at in the cafeteria at breakfast which caused her to spill the rest of her syrup from breakfast all over some of her new clothes Grandma Bacho bought her. The laughing and finger pointing  continued and Kaitlynn didn't know what to do. I had to get some clean clothes up to the school. Her teacher talked to her about the incident but I am not sure what she said.

I talked to the school counselor this evening. I had very mixed feelings about that conversation. When I came home Kaitlynn and I talked and she would not leave my side. After the two weeks I have had I will not take it. Hopefully with the weekend coming I can help her feel better. My biggest hope is that the school counselor does her job and at least checks into the incident.

It has been a long time since I have felt this helpless. There is nothing I can do to help ease my friends pain, I can't stop a possible new diagnosis for Madelynn and there was absolutely nothing I could do to protect my daughter from some ignorant, selfless, 5th grader from making my child feel like dirt.

There are many other little things that if I let them get to me, it will eat me alive. So for now I refuse to let any other negative things come into my life. I am telling God I have had enough I can not take anymore.

If you want to do something to help...pray my friend finds peace in her mother's passing, if there is something wrong with Madelynn we find the strength to handle it and to protect my daughter from others that would target her and for the 5th grader who did target her to find another focus.

Hoping with the beginning of March and signs of Spring we can find new beginnings and better prospective and wash all this negativity from February away.

One mentally exhausted mama.

TTFN~

Surviving the Insanity.....

Since celebrating my birthday the days have been slightly insane.

Two days after my birthday we had to be at the kids school for Katie's 2nd Grade Music Performance. It was all about recycling and saving the planet. Katie was a fish suffering in the water from pollution. It was really cute!!

Thanks to some wonderful friends of Camp Luck we were able to score tickets to a Charlotte Checkers game. Katie, Jack and Maddie had never been to an event like this and were just in awe of such a huge arena.We had such fun teaching the kids about hockey. They loved the Zamboni Machine. Jack wanted to know if he could get a chance to ride on it. It had been a while since we were able to just hang out and laugh, cheer and boo with other heart families instead of who is in the hospital having surgery.

The following day spent most of it at a friend's house to learn how to brew beer and just hangout. It was four families and 8 kids. It was pure chaos but I can not remember the last time I had so much fun. I laughed harder, talked about things not related to the heart, it felt normal. Not that we truly know what normal is......it reminded me of days before Madelynn's diagnosis. More importantly it showed me life can be that way again with some adjustments. I was completely exhausted when I arrived home but the good kind.

After this fun but exhausting weekend, I told Phil I was taking my birthday money and going shopping without any children. He needed to get the kids to Sunday School and I would see him at dinner. At first I felt kind of bad, but the more I thought about it I spend ALMOST ALL my time with the kids. One afternoon won't kill him and I needed a break from the insanity.

As I was walking out the door I get my phone and see my mom called. She asked what I was doing. When I told her, I asked if you wanted to meet me? What mother daughter team would say no to an afternoon of shopping?? Not any mother daughter team I know. It was really a lot of fun and I was really glad she called.

However, one of the things I missed......when Katie was in the shower getting ready to go to class her loose tooth fell out. This is her fifth tooth. After the rough road she has had with losing teeth it was nice she had a normal experience.

Katie was excited about her gift from the tooth fairy and asked if she could take her money to the school store. She wanted new pencils and erasers. I told her it was her money so off to school the next day she went to school with her purse and money in tow. Had no idea the $2.00 in coins would bring so much happiness.

A week in the life.....can be truly exhausting but with all those smiles how can you not keep moving.

TTFN~