Resolutions......

Well I did take the time to email Kaitlynn's school counselor, principals and the early bird/after school director. The feed back was VERY Positive and I could see a change in Kaitlynn when she arrived home from school Monday afternoon. I truly hope they take great care in rebuilding Kaitlynn's feeling of safety in the school. I will wait a few more days and talk to her again just to make sure things are getting back to normal.

Today ranks right up there with my top 5 most stressful days EVER!!! We walked into the hospital and Madelynn PANICKED!! I had not truly talked to Madelynn about what would happen to her today because I didn't know what her very intelligent, three year old mind could comprehend. I calmed her down by feeding her a little applesauce. She didn't know it was laced with a little Valium. After we were escorted to the waiting room for the test she started to panic again. When she saw the toys she calmed again. All the ups and downs of the morning was emotionally exhausting.

I had NO IDEA how to explain to my 3 year old daughter they would insert a cath into her bladder, fill it with both dye and fluid to make her pee. She has only been potty trained for 8 months.

Then we walked into the test room and EVERYTHING I have taught Madelynn went out the window. I had to tell her it was okay to take her clothes off in front of strangers, it was okay to let strangers touch her in her private areas, it was okay to pee on a table and not in the potty and when she was SCREAMING telling me to make them stop; I just looked and her and told her I was sorry. The guilt of forcing your child into a difficult medical test sucks!!

I did also explain that it was a test and the doctors were doing their job. But I know it was NO consolation. I am not sure how affected she will be by this test only time will tell. I can only hope I was more affected that she was.

The Test came back NORMAL!!! This was very good news. The details of  of the results are this. Only this test came back normal. It doesn't mean she still doesn't have Vesicoureteral Reflux. This is her urine travelling back up to her kidney's instead of out her bladder. The doctor told us sometimes for children you can have normal results and still have this condition because it only becomes present when you have a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) with a high fever.

So our goal it to teach Madelynn some extra precautionary measures when she potty's, per her doctor. If we can keep her from getting a UTI maybe she will never have to have the test again. If she does have the condition she will just grow out of it and today's horrible experience will be history.. This is small change in routine compared to what we could have had.

We would like to thank everyone who reached out to us wishing us only the best results. It was nice to be surrounded by so much prayer and good thoughts.

TTFN~

Hoping for a better day....

Well I did my best to talk to Kaitlynn and prepare her for going back to school after yesterday. I almost cried when I dropped her off because I believe there was a part of her that did not want to go. However she never told me. One of the perks of my job is that no one will fault you for sneaking of to a quiet place to pray for a few minutes or 30. So today as they do every Friday during Lent, I walked over to the church to pray during Stations of the Cross. I am at a loss on how to help and protect my child.

I was hoping and praying today was a better day.

Before any of this happened I promised my friend I would help her for a few hours today. So I didn't get to find out about her day until about 5:30. I talked to Phil he assured me she was fine. But I wouldn't really know until I talked to her myself. Her day was better but only because she decided to skip breakfast to avoid any confrontation. I was so angry I could barely speak. So now this person has belittled my daughter and made her afraid to eat breakfast at school. I might add she has eaten breakfast at school almost everyday for the last three years.

At this point, it was obvious Kaitlynn needed me. So for the night I put my feelings aside let Kaitlynn have the things I promised her today. After dinner, we had a little family fun playing Dance Party 3 with the XBOX 360. This girl LOVES to dance; she was just full of smiles. Watching Phil and the kids dance through the house made her forget for a little while and hopefully remind her that the love of her family was way more important.

This weekend I will take the time and email all necessary parties at the school. I hope they will step in and stop it now before it gets out of control. In my mind it is already is out of control. My daughter changed her routine and skipped the most important meal of the day because some 5th grader thought she would have a little fun with her.

Praying for a quick resolution to this ridiculous problem that should never be.

TTFN~

How much can one mama take.....

So I haven't posted in about two weeks and it seems like a life time ago. As I lay in bed at almost 1am my mind is swirling. Two weeks ago today my friends mother died. To be there at the actual moment someone passes from this life is almost indescribable. What I can tell you is that I knew it was time. I told my friend to tell her mother it was okay to go. Within 5 minutes I could feel her mother's spirit and then she was gone, no heartbeat, no pulse just the lifeless body that carried her for 85 years. I was glad I could be there for my friend.

Less than a week later we were told there could possibly be something wrong with Madelynn's kidney's or urinary tract. It was all I could do to not buckle at the knees. After talking to other families, it could be something very simple, nothing at all or a problem. For the last week I have been convincing myself that it is nothing all. It is just Madelynn's doctor's being over protective. After what she has been through and the near miss with her heart, they aren't taking any chances. But I am not going to lie taking her back to the children's hospital for a test is a little unnerving.

So probably the icing on the cake. The reason I am up doing laundry and typing at 1am. Today I was informed Kaitlynn was bullied at school. She was being laughed at in the cafeteria at breakfast which caused her to spill the rest of her syrup from breakfast all over some of her new clothes Grandma Bacho bought her. The laughing and finger pointing  continued and Kaitlynn didn't know what to do. I had to get some clean clothes up to the school. Her teacher talked to her about the incident but I am not sure what she said.

I talked to the school counselor this evening. I had very mixed feelings about that conversation. When I came home Kaitlynn and I talked and she would not leave my side. After the two weeks I have had I will not take it. Hopefully with the weekend coming I can help her feel better. My biggest hope is that the school counselor does her job and at least checks into the incident.

It has been a long time since I have felt this helpless. There is nothing I can do to help ease my friends pain, I can't stop a possible new diagnosis for Madelynn and there was absolutely nothing I could do to protect my daughter from some ignorant, selfless, 5th grader from making my child feel like dirt.

There are many other little things that if I let them get to me, it will eat me alive. So for now I refuse to let any other negative things come into my life. I am telling God I have had enough I can not take anymore.

If you want to do something to help...pray my friend finds peace in her mother's passing, if there is something wrong with Madelynn we find the strength to handle it and to protect my daughter from others that would target her and for the 5th grader who did target her to find another focus.

Hoping with the beginning of March and signs of Spring we can find new beginnings and better prospective and wash all this negativity from February away.

One mentally exhausted mama.

TTFN~

Valentine's Day!!

Before there was Madelynn, Jackson or even Kaitlynn, it was just Phil and I. For six years it was always Phil and I. As much as I love my children, I would walk through fire for them. Sometimes I miss when it was just Phil and I.
Today is a special day for so many reasons. For starters, it is Grandmother Caroline's birthday. Even when I was a little girl I always thought it was "cool" my grandmother was born on Valentine's Day. In my entire life I have only had one really SPECTACULAR Valentine's Day. I'm not sure Phil will ever be able to top it. Seeing as it was my FIRST Valentine's Day with Phil and he proposed. To most I am sure it all sounds very cliche but it was one of the few times in my life I was REALLY excited.

Since Madelynn's diagnosis and surgery Valentine's Day has taken on a WHOLE new meaning. Instead of just buying traditional valentine's and sugar filled candy, this year the kids created their valentine's. I cut out close to 60 hearts, we painted and the kids addressed each one. Since Madelynn couldn't write I used her's to spread Congenital Heart Defect (CHD) Awareness.

One side of the heart says, "One out of every 100 babies is born with a CHD every year".

On the other side it reads, "I AM 1 in 100. Happy Valentine's Day! Love, Madelynn."

It is strange to me to observe this permutation in my life. To reminisce about days of independence from children always makes me smile. But when I stop and admire my life today including the tremendous hurdles we have jumped or some days crawled under, we wouldn't be complete without ALL of it.

Life is just not how I ever thought it would be. I have learned to be grateful for the journey set before me. I am completely indebted to Phil for never throwing in the towel. Very glad he will always be my Valentine.

Wishing everyone a Wonderful Valentine's Day!!

TTFN~

CHD Awareness

Becoming a CHD Statistic was not a choice.

Being forced to learn about the heart and lung machine, open heart surgery and possibility of survival were not part of my education repertoire.

As a parent we take a silent oath to care for our children, make the life changing decisions to give them the best fighting chance and pray, hoping we made the right choice.

There is absolutely no consolable words you can say to a parent who just handed there child over to the surgeon.
I have lived the life of standing back watching your child take one breath at a time hoping they survive.

I have had to stand there helpless while attempts were made to get my child breathing again.

But I choose to be the proud mother of a CHD Survivor.

My daughter is part of the statistic that 1 in every 100 babies born each year is born with a Congenital Heart Defect. My daughter’s story is one of the lucky ones; her defect was found in enough time to save her life.

Since not all babies and their families are as fortunate as we are spreading awareness in all of its forms is vital.

In Honor of all CHD Babies and Angels we are spreading Congenital Heart Defect Awareness, in hopes that awareness will save lives.

TTFN~ 

Birthdays.....

Sometimes life doesn't always allow you to do things exactly on the day you should.

This year has started out to be a BIG year for me. This year about two weeks ago I turned forty, yes that was 40!! Less than a week later I did something really stupid....Trying to be that multi tasking mom I grabbed a REALLY hot pan bare-handed and didn't let go right away. I spent 3 hours in the Urgent Care and walked out with all 5 of my fingers on my left hand wrapped in blue medical tape. I thought I was slowly becoming Smurfette.

You would think at this stage in my life I would have made a smarter choice. Sometimes wanting to spend every minute with my kids something has to give. Because of my stupidity and not being able to type very well for a few days I am a little late in this post.

Shortly after entering high school, I met my best friend to which we quickly discovered our birthday's were only a week apart. In high school she always brought me my present on her birthday, it kind of became tradition. We were college roommates until she made a life changing decision and left for the Navy. Whether she was a few states away, across the country or half way around the world she has always been there no matter what.

We received equally exciting birthday presents. I will be going to Savannah, Ga for St. Patty's Day. There are not enough words to tell you how excited I am about this and she was the first one I wanted to share my surprising news with. A few days before her birthday she left for Vegas for a week. She posted lots of pictures so I was able to take the journey with her. But, she was lucky enough to have her brother and his wife join them in the fun. I believe at that moment her parents were looking down on them proud that when it is really important; they make time for each other.

Throughout my life I have had the great privilege to meet, learn from, cry with, laugh with and grow with her. Without her, I would have not found my first job, learned to love art class or learned to savor the pure silence of just spending time with your best friend. I can honestly say her absence would have made me a different person.

I'm not sure I have ever told her.....My son LOVES the fact that she is his god-mother. He calls her his G-ma and gets really excited when he going to see her. It is really sweet. He reminds me all the time what a great choice I made in so many ways.

So although I am late in my post the sentiment is just as true even though it is about a week late.

HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY JUSTINE!!!

Love Ya!!

TTFN~

Surviving the Insanity.....

Since celebrating my birthday the days have been slightly insane.

Two days after my birthday we had to be at the kids school for Katie's 2nd Grade Music Performance. It was all about recycling and saving the planet. Katie was a fish suffering in the water from pollution. It was really cute!!

Thanks to some wonderful friends of Camp Luck we were able to score tickets to a Charlotte Checkers game. Katie, Jack and Maddie had never been to an event like this and were just in awe of such a huge arena.We had such fun teaching the kids about hockey. They loved the Zamboni Machine. Jack wanted to know if he could get a chance to ride on it. It had been a while since we were able to just hang out and laugh, cheer and boo with other heart families instead of who is in the hospital having surgery.

The following day spent most of it at a friend's house to learn how to brew beer and just hangout. It was four families and 8 kids. It was pure chaos but I can not remember the last time I had so much fun. I laughed harder, talked about things not related to the heart, it felt normal. Not that we truly know what normal is......it reminded me of days before Madelynn's diagnosis. More importantly it showed me life can be that way again with some adjustments. I was completely exhausted when I arrived home but the good kind.

After this fun but exhausting weekend, I told Phil I was taking my birthday money and going shopping without any children. He needed to get the kids to Sunday School and I would see him at dinner. At first I felt kind of bad, but the more I thought about it I spend ALMOST ALL my time with the kids. One afternoon won't kill him and I needed a break from the insanity.

As I was walking out the door I get my phone and see my mom called. She asked what I was doing. When I told her, I asked if you wanted to meet me? What mother daughter team would say no to an afternoon of shopping?? Not any mother daughter team I know. It was really a lot of fun and I was really glad she called.

However, one of the things I missed......when Katie was in the shower getting ready to go to class her loose tooth fell out. This is her fifth tooth. After the rough road she has had with losing teeth it was nice she had a normal experience.

Katie was excited about her gift from the tooth fairy and asked if she could take her money to the school store. She wanted new pencils and erasers. I told her it was her money so off to school the next day she went to school with her purse and money in tow. Had no idea the $2.00 in coins would bring so much happiness.

A week in the life.....can be truly exhausting but with all those smiles how can you not keep moving.

TTFN~