Things I have learned: Part 1

As we are approaching Madelynn's second Heart birthday I wanted to start sharing the things I have learned over the last year.

Shortly after Madelynn's surgery there were many days I would write. I would write letters to Madelynn sharing my exact feelings that day as we were living this terrible nightmare. Until recently I never realized how much I wrote and wrote and wrote.

Last year I decided to make changes in the house as to who was in each room. Phil rolled his eyes and me and I am sure all he could think was, 'what in the world do I need to help with now'. Knowing that look I told him not to worry I did not need his help I would handle it myself. And away I went......

I had to move the girls and re-paint the room to make it Jack's room, move everything out of the bonus room and move the girls in to the bonus room, move the bonus room items into Jack's old room. Sounds simple enough right. It took me about 3 months after work, on days off and any chance I could find. By the time we celebrated Madelynn's first heart birthday I was finished. That is except for a few boxes of stuff I had no idea what to do with.

In hindsight, I suppose this was my therapy on how I kept it together during those ridiculous times.

For almost a year the boxes sat. That is until one day I got sick of looking at them and started going through them. Oh the stuff I found.....gifts from friends I had in another life, a few pictures of much younger days and lots and lots of writings that I knew some day I would do something with.

At a Levine Cardiac Kids meeting there was a therapist that came in an spoke. Not about the parents or child's heart journey but about the other healthy children in the house and how you can help them cope and bring the closest thing to normalcy into your home as much as possible. She really was a great speaker and I learned so much that evening.

Then one thing stopped me in my tracks. 'For all of you parents who are dealing with this on a regular basis remember you were chosen for this job'

CHOSEN.....are you kidding me. There are many things in life I want to be chosen for but this was not one of them. I want to be chosen to win awards and be acknowledged for all of my hard work and success'. This was not what I had in mind. But I suppose what I had in mind was not the road I was to travel.

When I looked up the definition of the word chosen I came up with ...preferred above others....once I accepted that life changed. I was chosen above all others to be Madelynn's Mom. To get her healthy again I had my work cut out for me.

I learned that no was not in my vocabulary and no matter what the result, we could always do better. In less than a year, Madelynn went from being a very sick, 5 month old who could not hold her head up and not being able to keep a bottle down to......walking, talking, learning to love, eggs, peanut butter and chicken nuggets.

What I supposed I learned most is the following........

"I am challenged to receive life just as it is to experience all that is serene and all that is difficult."

TTFN~