Stressed......I believe I have found a new low to being stressed. I was dreaming about the fact that Phil had not worked in four days and had only worked about 15 hours last week. I was dreaming about what creative ways I could come up with for work. However, none of this was a dream.....it was all very real.
Monday morning all of this dreaming, waking to a depressing reality all happened. I had been off for four days as part of my work schedule still getting all of hours in. Phil on the other hand has been home with me the whole time. Don't get me wrong I loving being with him and am so very glad he has been able to spend more time with the kids but it does not pay our bills.
I woke so upset and emotionally drained I did not want to eat, I just wanted to sleep it away. But I have three small children who should never know I am stressed or worried about anything. So I spent the morning watching, "Meet the Robinson's" with the kids. When it was over Phil looks at me and says, "OK everyone upstairs get your suits on we are going to the water park." I thought the kids would explode.
As part of our membership to the local aquatic center we get free admission to the attached water park. The more I thought about it......it is already paid for and expires at the end of June so we might as well use it. So off we went.
There were two BIG water slides. Jack went down one time but was really afraid and did not go back again. He decided to hang out with Maddie and I in the 2 foot section. It had it's own slides that Jack was not afraid of and he had a ball taking Maddie down the little slides. Katie begged Phil to take her down the big slides a few more times before they joined us in the 2 foot section.
I have to say I did not bring my camera but it was one of those pure joy moments. The rest of life just washed away for a little while and all I saw were three little kids that had HUGE smiles on their faces. Maddie jumped, splashed and squealed with joy as she bounced through the water. At one point as I was playing with her in the water I realized something.
She completely trusts me 110%. She knows I will not leave her, every jump in the water she completely trusts that I will never let go and every time she looks for me I am right there beside her, always. She had a freedom that most of us long for every day of our life.
Suddenly the light bulb went on......as I regularly need reminding.
I need to trust and believe in God during our struggle right now the way that Madelynn trusts and believes in me. Let God handle it.
At that moment at the pool, I just let go and savored the moment with all the smiles and sunshine raining down on us. About 1pm we left the pool. It took everything Maddie had to stay awake until she got home to eat her lunch. I don't even know if her eyes were still open when her head hit the pillow for nap. All of the kids laid down for awhile and I savored the silence.
When the kids woke up I remembered today was the first day of the summer program at the library. So I took Katie and Jack to the library. It had been a while so I made sure my library card was in good standing, I was issued a new one. Off we went to sign up for the summer reading and events program. I think we left the library with about 10 books and a schedule for the summer of all the free events the kids can attend.
So lets review...........we can go swimming as often as we want indoors or out through the end of June, the library has weekly events for the the kids age groups for free, in July Katie and Jack will go to daily summer camp for a week, more library events, we will celebrate Jack and Maddie's birthday's and Katie needs to work on a reading contest for the summer for school in the Fall.
All is not lost and that is what I need to focus on. Did I mention that someone called about a side job as we were leaving the rec center Monday. Also, after talking to my friend this morning and getting some encouragement, I got a call about a possible part time job for Phil. I don't know if any of these possibilities will turn into true work for Phil but for today I have to believe that God is in control and he will show us the way.
He brought us to this point today He will bring us through it to tomorrow and the next day and so on.
To my children..........Thank you for helping me to remember that the simple joy of swimming and sunshine truly do make it a better day..............
TTFN~
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