Miracles and Magic

"This is not general surgery in miniature. These are tiny humans. These are children. They believe in magic. They play pretend. There is fairy dust in their IV bags. They Hope. And they cross their fingers. And they make wishes. And that makes them more resilient than adults. They recover faster. Survive worse. They Believe. With miracles and magic anything is possible."

I wish I would have come across this quote as we were making the worst part of out journey with Madelynn. I love it and it rings true with all children. Today I met with Madelynn's nutritionist with some mixed news that I am feeling very down about. Then I think about the above quote and remember I have to hope, pray and work harder for her. Moping around helps no one, especially Madelynn.

So here is the news. Madelynn grew an inch in 2 months, which is huge. However, over the last five days she has lost almost a whole pound. To most that is no big deal. I took her to the doctor last Thursday due to a cold. She weighed 22.045 lbs. Today with the nutritionist she weighed 21.05. I knew it was coming. I told Phil she was losing weight. But here are the bright sides to all of this.

-If she wasn't getting enough protein in her diet she would not grow in height and she did by a huge amount.

-She has not been feeling well and not eating very well for the past 3 - 4 days. If I can't get the calories in her she can't gain any weight.

-However this morning I was not going to be defeated and through games, giggles and gimmicks I was able to get her to eat scrambled eggs with cheese and milk added, fruit and some juice, and she ate it all. It took about 30 minutes, but she ate it.

-The nutritionist also said that she is still playing and appears to have lots of energy. If she were lethargic or just not wanting to play she would worry.

So the plan is to get her lots of calories and let her snack often. I will take Madelynn to the doctor in about 10 days and see what her progress is. If we see a positive change we keep moving. If there is little or no change we see the doctor and see what he says.

Seeing Madelynn smile is what gives me Hope. Watching her try and fend for herself and do things for herself actually gives me Peace. I know she will make it and have a great story to tell. However, because I have been harden by some of life's realities and having days like today: When I feel like I am failing her and I should have tried harder, I need to remember....... she won't remember.

She will only remember how much her mommy loves her. She will remember all of the laughter and early childhood happiness. She will remember the feeling of the second Daddy walks in the door. She will remember hugging and kissing her brother and sister. She is my miracle and everyday our lives are filled with magic because of her.

TTFN~