Peanut's upcoming Birthday

I went to Party City and found all kinds of cute girly decorations....flowers, butterflies, you name it, I found it. It is all so cute. The party is set for Saturday a day after her birthday. We were going to have a party in the late morning so that in the afternoon we could take all the kids swimming at the rec center. I was really excited about the whole day with the kids.

However, I feel like all of that will be swept away in an instant.

In recent weeks at the rec center Peanut has been getting cold while swimming and her lips are turning blue. We have been getting her warm and then letting her go back to the pool. In the last visit to the rec center it took close to an hour for her lips to be a normal color.

We were supposed to meet with Peanut's nutritionist last week and she is out on sick leave. It was suggested by her case manager we go to the health department to get her weight check since they do not know when the nutritionist will be able to see her again. I do not like the health department so I went to the pediatrician's office. They always let us sneak in for a weight check. I asked if they would check he pulse ox level while we were there.

All the sudden they all went crazy. I explained the blue lipped issue and I was told we had to wait to see the doctor. The doctor said she looked ok and her pulse ox was good but she needs to see the cardiologist. I explained that we have an appointment for the 18th of Aug. The doctor said no it MUST be sooner. (Small panic is setting in, memories of the first time).

After the nurse called the cardiologist with very little answers, I called the cardiologist. I explained the situation. They said we could see another doctor at the heart institute Friday August 6th (imagine that). What a great way for Madelynn to spend her birthday.

So I have two choices......I can enjoy the next two days off I have getting ready for Peanut's Party (which is what I should do) or I can worry about what they might find (this is what I will probably do).

She is displaying no symptoms of a problem in any other day to day event except swimming. She eats well, sleeps well, runs, jumps and plays with out incident. So I should be at ease that it maybe nothing. However, the last time I spent the days convincing myself it was nothing I was so terribly wrong.

So I hope and pray that it is nothing. But if it is something I hope I have the strength to help her overcome it, it is something the doctors can correct and that it will not disrupt her eating and weight gain accomplishments thus far.

TTFN~

Peanut's new do....

Well they were about to call the pound on Jack if I didn't get him a haircut so Wednesday I took him for a clean up. When we were there it was really quiet. We were the only customers in the store. So I asked them if they would do Maddie's first haircut.

Yes I know it is short. It won't be that way forever but I think for now and summer time it looks really cute. Hopefully, over the next couple of days I can get a good one of her smiling. Don't worry not everyone likes it, but I do. Phil says it is cute but a little too short.

TTFN~

1st Swimming Lesson

In an effort to teach the kids water safety I have signed Katie and Jack up for swimming lesson at the rec center. This week was the first lessons. During this fun filled hour Jack has his lesson first for 30 mins and Katie , Maddie and Phil played in the other side of the pool. At the second half of the hour, Jack comes to play in the water with Phil and Maddie and Katie has her lesson.
At the last minute on the first lesson I decided to take a few pictures. Talk about fun. I think the kids really enjoy the time in the water.

Enjoy the pictures above.

TTFN~

Completely Discouraged

I thought that life would find some type of normalcy once Maddie had reached a certain point of recovery. I thought or maybe I convinced myself it was just a bump in the road. After the last few weeks I have had I was sourly mistaken. I know now why parents walk away from their children. Please let me stress I do not agree with it but I understand it. Life and Parenting does not come with an instruction manual but very little prepared me for the last few weeks but mostly the last few days.



I have been working on the kids baby books updating them adding pictures and stories. I have this really cool retractable craft table I can set up and take down at a moments notice. My kids were warned it was not theirs and nothing on the table was to be touched. They destroyed several of my supplies off the table.



For Christmas Katie and Jack received the blankets that have to be cut and knotted to be made. I sat one night for four hours and made both of them. Katie took hers and my good craft scissors (off the table) and started cutting the blanket into little tiny pieces all over her bedroom floor.



All of the kids were playing in Jack's room I went to go checking on them, I found Maddie running around naked and Katie and Jack thought it would be okay to pee on Jack's bedroom carpet. Just because they could.



I am only working three days a week and everyday when I come home from work their rooms are destroyed and they give me grief about cleaning it up. It takes forever to get it clean and by the time they are clean it is bed time.



There are no words for some things I have had to deal with my children, mostly Katie and Jack. Don't get me wrong my kids should not be bored by any means. I have gone out of my way to make sure they have had a fun filled summer with VBS, Discovery Place, Camp Gabe. The Water Park (at least once a week), Free movies, Trips to the Library, Parades, Camp LuCK, and a short trip to the Beach. Something has been planned every single week so they would not be bored. I have failed.



So now except for swimming lessons and books to read I have to take it ALL away. I am even considering re-arranging the bedrooms so that the only thing in their rooms are beds, clothes and books. Don't get me wrong they can earn the toys back but it will take days of good behavior to earn one toy back.



I have even tried to set a good example by keeping my bedroom clean and trying to make my bed everyday. I even asked Katie and Jack what it was that I ever taught them or had done to make they think all of this behavior was okay. The response I was given was shrugged shoulders. In case any one is wondering spanking is not working.



I thought I was being a good mom, I thought I was being fair, I thought I was always doing what was best for them. Well now what is best for them is to be mean. At least in their eyes I will be mean. I have to take it all away until they realize I am in charge, what I say goes and if they can not follow the rules they don't get the advantages of good behavior. I hate the fact that I have to become this person because I am not this person.



I have a big heart and love them with every ounce of my existence. I have gone with out so much for myself so they can have everything. I have worked relentlessly to make sure that they have no idea we are struggling and barely floating. They have no idea of the generosity of others so that they don't miss a beat of every day life.



I am so disappointed that I have failed them and have to become this person I never wanted to be. In the end as long as they learn something I know it will be worth. However, to accomplish this I have to become a person with no emotion, telling them no, you have to show me you can be good before you can have that or do that. You have to earn it.



I am just very depressed, disappointed and discouraged about the whole thing. What a horrible way to end summer vacation.



TTFN~

Camp Gabe......

This week Katie and Jack had the joy of participating in a week long day camp. Each day they rode to work with me, made me a little crazy at the office before I took them to camp. The art projects they came home with are so cute. Not to mention they were purely exhausted everyday.


Katie made a friend at Vacation Bible School and we found out they would be at Kamp Gabe together too, she was so excited.
















At the end of the week, like Vacation Bible School, the kids put on a little performance. I was not prepared for Katie to come out with an alligator on her head or Jack to be dressed like a bumblebee. I was surprised I could get good pictures as I was laughing.

Thought I would share a few pictures.






























































I wish I would have been able to video tape the performance the songs that went with the costumes were so great. Maybe next time.


TTFN~

Jackson turns 5

Happy Birthday Jackson!!

To my son,

Some days you just know how to pull at that last string and snap it. It is who you are always testing the limits, showing me how smart you are and proving you are all boy. Your smile is infectious and your laugh contagious; most days they are the only things that keep you out of trouble.

The other day I was going through some pictures of you and saw you go from 0-5 right before my eyes. Your life is about to change very quickly and although you will always be my boy you will no longer be my little boy. I am very excited to help guide through your new adventures. My hope is that you will always remember I am here for you.

My favorite memories are spending one on one time with you, talking to you as I tuck you in at night, and letting you crawl up in my lap when you are tired. You had such a rough beginning because I was never feeding you enough, you were always hungry; some things never change. You were also sick more times than I can remember. Since your third surgery you have been 100 times better. I finally had my happy boy I always wanted.

Always wanted....... I remember the day your Daddy and I found out you would be a boy. It was your Daddy's birthday and as soon as she said boy, I cried. I was so very excited I couldn't wait to see you. Little did I know you would be close to 10 lbs. before I saw you.

So my sweet boy as you enjoy these last six weeks of summer before you head off to kindergarten I hope your birthday starts it off right. Have a great day at camp.

Love, Mommy