Never, Ever Stop Fighting......

It has been so long since I posted anything, when I went to long in I forgot my password. Crazy!! Well what's crazier yet is my life lately. In the last two weeks, my ac went in both of our cars. It has been in the high 80's and 90's with humidity. I probably left 10 lbs on the trip to work. At least God was kind enough to let it go out after the kids camps were over.

Phil also spent a chunk of change buying car parts for the van to assemble himself to save us money. Remember he is a "motorhead",  it is what he went to school for, not to mention I LOVE his mechanical mind. The day before he had planned to put all of these parts on the ac compressor in the van goes out. The same day the dryer stops heating. It runs cold air but the heating element went out.

The list goes on about all the things that happened in the last too weeks. Monday evening was my breaking point. I yelled, cried and finally went to bed emotionally exhausted. Every Tuesday morning at work there is a group of us that meet for a 15 minute break and just pray for whatever is on our hearts that day.

I broke down.....I just asked God to take it all away and just fix it because I could not and was at the mercy of anyone who could help. I was no longer in control and God showed me He HEARD me LOUD and CLEAR.

My good friend's husband found the dryer part for $25.00, when I was about to pay $100.00; and then wouldn't even let us pay for the part. Thank You Roger!! Phil and Roger worked endlessly on the van because the parts that needed replacing reared their ugly head and gave them a run for their money. The AC still needs to be fixed but when we get the money in another week or so it will be an easy repair. Everything else is finished.

The dryer part arrived Friday afternoon. Once the van was put back together, about 11:30 pm the dryer part was put on and a glorious heatwave was coming from my dryer and clothes were tumbling around and around. I have been doing laundry non stop for 24 hours. On top of our regular laundry, Jack had a few bed wetting mishaps, I had towels screaming to be cleaned and it was tax free weekend on school supplies including clothes. I had two loads of new clothes to was too.

But today was the icing on the cake. Today was the day my cup runneth over.

This morning we had soccer evaluations. I did not have all the money today because the school clothes and the car were more important. My children do not understand that concept. I went to the evaluations and talked to someone in charge. I told her I only had half the money. In her best smile the woman said, "We never turn anyone away just pay the balance before the end of the season." I almost fell on the floor. I just needed two weeks not 12 weeks.

While at the evaluations I sat and watched the kids stand in each line and give it their best effort. Jack and Katie because of their ages had to stand in a different line than Maddie. Yes, Maddie is going to play soccer. When I saw Maddie standing in a line without her siblings and I saw all the other parents standing with their child I walked over to her. I asked her if I could stand here with her. She told me, "No Mommy, I can do it myself. You can sit over there."

All the Parents standing around just looked at me with dropped jaws. I said, "Ok, I love you."

I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because she did it!!! She is living and thriving even though she almost died. We made it to the day where she feels just like everyone else even though she knows she's not. She has more specialist's than most of the kids in her school. But today she looked, breathed, laughed and ran just like all the other kids.

Well not quite........

When the evaluations were over, I looked and all three of their results before I turned them in. Maddie ran the fastest 10 yard and 20 yard sprints and scored the highest on the goal kicking. Katie scored the highest dribbling around the cones and Jack scored the highest on the free dribbling.

I truly had no words for this........

So all though we still have a ways to go to get things back to normal, we don't need normal it is SO overrated. We have EXTRAORDINARY!!! 

This is my PSA reminding all of you to never give up and never ever stop fighting.

TTFN~

School mates

People come and go in our lives everyday. The best friends are the ones that you share an inseparable bond with. Sometimes these friends get lost for a while but somehow always manage to circle back around in your life. You know they are real friends because you can talk to them today as if you talk to them everyday even though it may be years since your last conversation.

In the last two years one of those lost friends found their way back to me and we talked as if we talked everyday. He trusted me enough to fill me in on the missing years. He trusted me with both the good and the bad, knowing I would never judge him. I felt as if this friend gave me a gift because he had no fear to share the truth.

Sadly, Saturday the Lord decided it was time for him to come home. It was like one minute he was here and the next he was gone.

In recent weeks I had reached out to him but had not heard from him. There was a part of me that worried when he did not respond but I trusted when he was ready he would circle round again. That never happened.

When people die their friends and family wish for one more day with them. When people die suddenly the longing for one more day is much greater.

If I had one more day with Brandon I would want to meet him at the park with my dog and let him meet her. We would talk about his wanting to help others with service dogs. It would probably turn to something silly, like crazy things our dogs did and we would be laughing.

If I had one more day with Brandon I would want him to make me his favorite meal. He loved to cook and was quite good at it. It seemed to be something that brought him peace.

If I had one more day with Brandon I would want to go to his favorite club and listen to him play. Music was something he could get lost in and the rest of the world didn't matter.

Today, there will be a celebration of Brandon's life. I will miss talking to my friend, I will treasure the gift of trust he gave me but, most of all I will miss listening to him laugh. I am so glad he will finally be at peace.

RIP Brandon

Love ~ from my 9 year old.......

About once a month I really get on the kids about cleaning their rooms. Once they tell me they are clean I then go through them with my "Mama-sense" (my spidy sense, LOL!!). It is crazy the things I find everything from food, this mornings dirty pj's, last weeks stinky socks, my craft scissors, you name it I find it. I am rarely surprised at what I find but it doesn't mean I still don't shake my head.

Today I decided to do my monthly check. I was truly shocked at what I found. In the girls room there was tons of trash. Waded up paper, ripped pictures and pages, as I looked through the papers before I threw it in the trash I found a poem that Kaitlynn and written May 2013. Last year she received some blank journals for a gift from First Communion. Lately she has been sketching and writing in the journals and this is one of the pages she left on her bedroom floor.

She doesn't know I am posting it but I though it was sweet.

Love

 

Love is a heart

Love is something sweet

Love is something everyone has in their hearts and minds

Love is special

Love is a heart

Kaitlynn May Addler 2013

TTFN~

Today's the Day!! Today's the Day!!!

This morning about 10:30 Madelynn will be graduating from Pre-School. I am sure there will be a part of me that will be sad and want to cry but, I am very excited for her. She will have reached a peak in the mountain of life at one time I didn't think was possible. So to celebrate her achievement I thought I would share a little photographic journey.

 

For each of these pictures I could share something the photo does not tell you. But instead I thought you could just enjoy the journey.

 

Congratulations Madelynn!! Mommy and Daddy are more than thrilled to share this milestone with you. Each day you amaze us at all of your accomplishments. We love your personality and EVERYTHING that comes with it. Thank you for showing us our life would not be complete with out you. Mommy and Daddy love you to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond, forever and ever.

 

TTFN~

Need Reminding......

Tonight I talked to a friend who is having a very difficult time in her life. It made me so sad I wanted to cry for her. If nothing else to give her a hug. The average divorce rate in the US is about 50%. When you have a family with a child with a special need the percentage jump to as high as 80-90%.

Marriage is hard to begin with. Adding a child with some type of health condition makes it that much harder. Having lived this road for a while it is no joke. Some times it requires taking a step back and remembering the simple things.

10 Ways to Love

1. LISTEN - Without interruption
2. SPEAK - Without accusing
3. GIVE - Without sparing
4. PRAY - Without ceasing
5. ANSWER - Without arguing
6. SHARE - Without pretending
7. ENJOY - Without complaint
8. TRUST - Without wavering
9. FORGIVE - Without punishing
10. PROMISE - Without Forgetting

I am far from perfect and need reminding every once in while of these ten words so I thought I would share them. Hoping my friend sees them and finds peace in her difficult time.

TTFN~

The house that built me.....

About two years ago a childhood friend who I hadn't seen in 25 years pulled me aside and says, "Do you know why we didn't always get along.....We both wanted what the other had."

I was very taken back by this comment.

She continued to say, "There was never a doubt that your parents loved you......."

I dreamed about this comment and what it meant. After a while I felt pretty horrible.

 I could remember wanting to go to a school dance and not having a new outfit to wear. My mother took the sewing skills her already deceased mother taught her and altered a skirt out of something she already had.  I still wanted a new outfit. My father was really angry. I was such a selfish teenager and completely ungrateful. Little did I know the skirt she altered for me was wrapped in love. My mother loved me so much she wanted to make sure I would look my best and I didn't see it that way.

This year my parents will be married 45 years. There is never a day that goes by that I am not 100% sure that my mother loves my father and my father loves my mother. I may not have had all the latest things but I always had the greatest the love of my parents.

When I think back about the house we grew up in a dam of memories breaks and everything comes rushing back and I can barely breath.

I remember the single rose bush that would bloom every summer on the side of the house. The big tree on the side of the house we would play around. The brick patio we built a clubhouse on and sunbathed on. Jumping the pricker bushes and sometime falling into. The stairwell we would fly down on our pillows. All the birthday parties and holiday dinners we had around the dining room table.

Being awakened by church bells, and walking across the street to church and still being late. Diving off the top bunk and scaring the crap out off my mom. Shooting the bb gun in the closet and accidentally getting shot with one. Sharing a bedroom with a baby sister. When we would get grounded to our rooms, my brother and I would send notes back and forth with his toy jeep.

Playing super heroes and jumping out of the TV cabinet my father was finishing. Watching my father build the train table in the basement. My parents would have friends over and they would play cards and watch TV. On the hot summer nights sitting out on the front porch watching people go by. Walking to the river to watch the fireworks for the fourth of July.

Fighting with my brother and calling my mom at work to make him stop. Like she could do anything from across town. Sitting on a bee and screaming half way down the block. The sitter thought I was dying. Coming home from school and finding the dog sitting on the portable dishwasher.

When I stop thinking about it 20 more memories will pop in my head. The result however will always be the same. My parents made their every effort to make sure we knew we were loved.

Don't get me wrong I caused lots of trouble, was regularly grounded, and claim responsibility for more than 25% of my mother's gray hair.  My father had this habit of rubbing his head when he would get frustrated with me. I also claim at least 25% of the lack of hair from that motion. No matter what they never gave up even though some days I am sure they wanted to.

When life gets complicated we want to retreat to our "happy place'. My husband's "happy place" is Fort Macon at Atlantic Beach. For me, my parents first house in the old neighborhood.

I hope one day my children look back never doubting I loved their father or that he loved me. I hope their "happy place" is their first home. I hope as many times as they were in trouble they have equal or more happy times to laugh themselves silly. I hope they have a house that helped build them.

TTFN~

Happiness is a choice!!

Happiness is a choice!!!

To different people Happiness is different things. Happiness could be finding 20 bucks in a winter coat, languishing about something you need to do only to find someone did it for you or discovering you and your spouse have the same afternoon off.

 As a Heart family we have had to make many choices. To agree to turn your child over to a surgeon to save a life, a feeding tube because bottle feeding is too stressful on the heart or trust complete strangers with the health and well-being of your most treasured gift.

After what can be a traumatizing hospital stay, most families assume being at home will help in the recovery. While many times this is true, it can be very scary; the ups and down of weight gain, creating proper sleep schedules or just plain finding your way without hospital staff to guide you.

All of these things are incredibly emotionally exhausting. As heart parents we make a choice to fight, fight with every ounce of our being. We go without sleep, miss meals and sometimes even forget what day it is. However, I promise you each day we find Happiness.

For us Happiness was the surgeon reporting the surgery went better than expected, the first time Madelynn smiled eight days after surgery, and a year after physical therapy Madelynn was walking and entering elementary school to register Madelynn for kindergarten.

This experience could have ruined my family in so many ways. But we made a choice and that choice was Happiness. We chose to find Joy in even our worst days. Hoping you find Happiness and you make it your choice.

Happy Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Day!!

TTFN~