Because of my experience with Madelynn's heart journey, I volunteer with Camp LUCK (www.CampLUCK.com)to help other families in crisis. It is not a pretty job but it is one I believe does the most good. I get to remind people they are not alone in their journey. I have no problem being the sounding board when they are angry. I love to share their joys of victory when an appointment went well or a surgery went better that expected. But I won't lie it is a very emotional ride. One I wholeheartedly agree to take every time I am matched with a family in need.
Recently, my work life and my volunteer Camp LUCK life have become a little blurry. Suddenly I receive calls from families reaching out to the church because they have a need. The Ronald McDonald house is full and they need a place too stay near the hospital. Their funds are low and they need a few things and they live more than 25 miles from the hospital. All of these things happen every day. When it's a heart family I try to offer emotional support since I have been there.
Most of time I can connect them with a community group that will help with that financial need. Most of the time I don't hear from them again. For what ever reason most of the time I am completely ok with that. I can look myself in the mirror everyday and know I gave it my all.
There are however those families who change your life FOREVER.
It doesn't seem right. I signed up to help them and they are changing me.
I found a letter I had written to a family. Their heart warrior was in bad shape, waiting for a transplant and really thought they needed to be planning a funeral. I started to cry when I left from visiting that family. The mother said I would cry with you but I have no more tears to cry. I can't imagine feeling so broken and disheartened that you can't cry anymore tears. It made me cry harder all the way home. I prayed for this family and asked God is this really the end for them it just seems so unfair. A few hours later the call came for a new heart and on Easter Sunday this warrior was given new life. A few months later I received a message of thanks and the mom said, "I know how to find you if I need you again".
My energy to continue helping these families was renewed. God really has a plan for them and me.
In March, a family needed help to stay at the Hospitality House near the hospital. At the recommendation of the Hospitality House the family called the church and I received the call. If you knew how difficult it was to actually reach me if you didn't know me at the church....almost impossible. (Yes I know it was God's plan).
It was a heart family who had exhausted all of their funds to stay in Charlotte near their very sick heart warrior. I was able to connect them with another community group that went above and beyond to keep this family together until the warrior succumb to her failing heart and died. I felt completely helpless unsure anything I said helped them. I left them with a few gifts from the church, a few kind words, a hug and a few tears.
In truth, I felt completely helpless, cried all the way home and hugged and Thanked God for my children when I got there. I have to force myself to just lift the family to God in hopes he will provide the right people and tools to help them grieve since they lived out of the area. The thought of going home empty still makes me cry.
As I shifted my focus to whatever else God had in store for me and I was engulfed in my own family chaos last week I received this text.
".....I haven't had a sincere way to Thank You but I am so grateful for your help. You helped me stay by my child's side and that means so much to me. I couldn't repay you if I could so I just wanted to say Thank You again. I can't say you were wrong either because I was not ok. I've never been so hurt in my life. I tried to be strong but it really does hurt. I saw that you were a very sincere person. I love that you are a Godly Woman. I've never seen someone care the way that you do. I have a lot of growing and changing to do in my life. I hope to have a heart as big as yours. Thanks again."
Just another reminder that it is ok that my volunteer life with Camp LUCK and my job at the church will get a little blurry and God will provide the clarity.
TTFN~
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